In 2002, Lundy Bancroft wrote one of the deepest books on the mentality of psychological or emotional abusers. Based on clinical evidence and research, he proposed different types of emotional abusers and violence.
Lundy Bancroft’s proposal makes a detailed distinction of the characteristics behind each type of emotional abuser when it comes to mistreating his victims. The presentation of hypotheses on which abuse behaviors appear to be based is described as the internal dialogue of different types of emotional abusers. .
Lundy Bancroft offers different types of emotional, psychological or emotional abusers.
He sees the couple as a way to please him and even to assume his responsibilities, however, the couple cannot demand anything, he must be happy and thank what is offered to him, above all he feels questionable, because he considers himself a charming and generous person.
Most of your conversations revolve around your needs and your partner’s obligations, but you get angry if you’re asked for anything, even if those are your obligations.
When he feels unhappy, he blames his partner; this may seem less controlling than other types of emotional abusers if their needs are met.
He considers himself an admirable person, both for his skills and intelligence and for his accomplishments. You know exactly what to do, even what’s best for your partner. Therefore, it is not worth listening to or considering your partner’s opinions, especially when they are different from yours.
If there are disagreements, you think they are an expression of your partner’s inability, no matter how respectful it is to talk, he thinks the relationship will be better if the woman simply accepts that he is right.
When he talks about his wife he does so with condescension, and if she does not feel superior, he ridicules her, insults her and discredits her thoughts (which makes her more vulnerable to her control). Let’s just say he’s an expert on his flaws, and he has no harm commenting on them in front of other people and in public.
He is convinced that his partner is the one who creates problems and acts with that conviction. This type of emotional aggressor can abuse without changing his tone of voice, for example, through sarcastic and petty comments: “You’re crazy. A scandal for nothing?. He takes refuge in his apparent tranquility to justify any kind of cruel expression.
Their tactics can be difficult to identify, go unnoticed by an observer or be easy to deny in the face of a woman’s confrontation, they can even make children think that the mother explodes for nothing, they are calculated maneuvers with no margin for error.
This guy has to control all of his partner’s movements, because he thinks he knows exactly how things should be done, he thinks his partner has no right to have anything or anything in his life other than him.
He watches and harasses her not to develop her resources or her independence, to take full control and to be extremely jealous. Jealousy becomes accusations of lies, using a defamatory approach to all women.
These emotional abusers end up physically assaulting their partners. The effect it causes on them is similar to that of a rape, traumatizes and also makes it difficult to get out of that relationship.
This boy thinks he’s against machismo, so he can’t be an aggressor and that’s why women should be grateful not to be like other men, they like the language of feelings, they present the therself as allies of women, so it’s easy to think that if your partner feels abused, the mistake is in her.
He controls his partner because he knows what his childhood problems were and thinks he analyzes his mental and emotional reactions, so that he can be in his head, whether he likes it or not, besides nothing is more important than what he feels, requires care, but the feelings of the couple are not important.
They are easily injured, but it is very difficult to repair the damage; however, if his feelings are hurt, he insists that the incident be quickly forgotten.
Women came into the world to sexually satisfy men, especially him. Do you consider that if women seek sex, they are “easy” and those who refuse are “glacial”?Too much.
He feels beautiful and sexy, irresistible, and feels that the temptation is not worth resisting, because sometimes they are the ones who seduce him and he cannot do anything about it. You cannot take your relationships seriously because you have no restrictions on your freedom. Infidelity is chronic, and it can be cruel and insensitive to your partner, especially if your infidelities are discovered and you face aggression, it can evolve into physical aggression.
Women never fight him, but among them, because he knows how to make them feel special, it is the jealous, the ones who do not accept that the relationship ends or those who feel that they have abused it.
He thinks that fleeing violence or showing fear or pity is associated with homosexuality or femininity, which are lower categories, so he believes in strength and violence.
Women exist to serve and be protected by men. He has an exaggerated view of what it means to be a man, “men should not beat women, unless their behavior requires it, because the woman is something that belongs to him, like a trophy, and that is why he must keep it.
This type of man is aggressive with everyone, has little patience with weakness, fragility or indecision, and also feels good when intimidated. He usually has a criminal record (violence, careless driving, theft, trafficking?). Some are psychopaths or sociopaths.
He feels that life has been unfair and hard for him, that everyone is hurting him, especially the women he has been with, and that is why he is not responsible for his actions, all mistakes would be a direct or indirect consequence of this abuse. .
Build a relationship by convincing her that she will eventually make you happy, if her partner interrogates him or accuses him of being an aggressor, he accuses him of joining those who were cruel and unfair to him. in a relationship or sexually they are against men, claiming that men are victims of women.
He thinks women are bad, that he must terrorize them to act in the most appropriate way. It’s generally not tantamount to women being able to make their own decisions independently.
Your partner has no right to challenge or abandon you, since your life is in your hands, so it terrifies her to reinforce this situation, he is the one who scares her and then “saves” her. To instill this fear, they have no scruples and can even use their children. They seem sadistic, like to be painful and cruel, and may have been abused as children when they learned these behavioral, cognitive and emotional patterns.
He says the cause of everything he does comes from his psychological problems or his addiction, so he doesn’t feel responsible, so if someone blames you for your abuse, consider yourself a bad person who doesn’t take into account or understand your problems.
If challenged, he may have a relapse and therefore you will be responsible. Your condition can be treated, but the cure doesn’t guarantee that the violence will end. In addition, it is often incompatible with medication, does not feel responsible and increases the risk of aggression.
The internal dialogue of different types of emotional abusers is the result of their value system and beliefs.