The death of a loved one causes us great sorrow and leads us to a state of lethargy that we seem to never leave, it is a natural state after a loss, it is the duel that appears uniquely in each person.
Because when someone leaves, something breaks inside us, it’s a hard feeling to explain that it involves thousands of thoughts and questions for which we sometimes have no answer.
- To take care of these feelings and help us.
- We must allow ourselves to explore and highlight these issues that haunt and guide our minds.
- Talking and not shutting up is critical.
- The answers to this are quite varied.
- From crying and anxiety to sadness and fear.
It is essential to give ourselves time to react and prepare, as well as to allow those who wish to accompany us to join us, silence, gaze, touch and presence without the manifestation of haste or discomfort are more precious than the words at the moment.
I look up at the sky and try to see you among so many stars, I look for your lost image in the shadows, I draw your face in the clouds that I see passing, traveling aimlessly and leading me to the moon, I ask you: where are you?And then my breast trembles, giving me the answer with a tear that makes me understand again: You are not there, but you are still in my heart.
-Unknown author-
Although each person feels the death of a loved one differently, some questions are common during grief, we cannot ignore this reality because it adds many worries and uncertainties to our emotional state, let’s look at the most frequent ones (Martínez González, 2010):
When a loved one dies, we do everything we can to keep him present in our daily lives, one feels that not remembering the laughter, the gaze, the face and the way of walking would betray the person; however, time makes memory less clear. and doubts invade us, generating the possibility of forgetting what has defined it physically.
In this situation, we must know that although the beloved is no longer with us and we can no longer touch or listen to him, he remains in our hearts, the affection and the moments lived remain in our hearts and nothing and no one can take that away from us, not even time.
The death of a loved one causes a state of shock, blockage, extremely difficult and alienating, so many emotions together create the feeling that we have lost control of ourselves, we can say that it is almost always a phase of transition necessary to absorb the event. , is like a defense mechanism that alienates our great inner strength to gather the energies we need to get out of this situation and get on with our lives.
The answer to this question is highly variable, because time depends on the circumstances, personal characteristics, the relationship that united us, how that loss occurred, etc. , however, the first year is very difficult, because everything reminds us of the person who died the day. the dates of the calendar The first Christmas, the first birthdays, the first holidays, etc.
The first suffering to not be able to share facts, achievements and feelings with this person makes us constantly relive the tragedy, however, we can say that this internal time is not a passive time, because it helps us to accept death and live. with him slowly.
The answer is no. Evidently, the death of a loved one marks us and breaks our hearts, which inevitably changes us, we lose parts of ourselves, parts that disappear with that person, we mature in a certain way, we restore our system of values, we value different things, we think all this is an learning that often becomes a greater commitment to life.
In a desperate attempt to understand the incomprehensible and the unjust, we ask ourselves these kinds of questions, whose role is to help us review, analyze and understand reality rationally, because we feel the need to control and lead the situation to combat anxiety.
The death of a loved one is always premature and undesirable. In the absence of answers, we will end up wondering a “why”, which will be much more adaptive to restructure our experience and mourning.
No. La anguish and painful feelings after the death of a loved one is not a disease, but a natural process that we have to deal with. This is not to say that we should not pay special attention to this situation, we must always reflect adequately on this moment. We will need some time to recover and restore a psychological balance that allows us to manage our emotions and thoughts.
It is healthy not to feel good during the grieving period, in the first moments the bereaved must express himself, speak and constantly remind the person that he is absent over and over again, some people need a professional who marks the limits of discomfort, but who he will listen, accompany and understand unconditionally.
Therapy offers it, but certainly not everyone needs therapeutic help to follow this path, so it will depend on each other’s personal conditions.
Reactions are often extreme. Some people get rid of everything from the idea that this act will lessen the pain of memory, while others keep everything the same way as the deceased left them, both reactions indicate that there is no acceptance of the loss, so it is advisable to help that person assimilate absence.
There’s no healthier way to react, but what you can’t do is have an extreme reaction. The healthiest thing is to slowly undo or distribute things as we get stronger and assimilate loss. However, we must bear in mind that keeping those things of greatest sentimental value will help us to remember with love and affection the meaning we give it.
Time does not cure everything, but it certainly offers us a new perspective, by adding experiences and time along the way, we put distance between the painful fact and the present, which makes us opt for one or the other attitude towards life: we can have a defeatist attitude or we can have an attitude of overcoming. Time helps us rethred everything.
Pain ends when we become interested in life and life again, when energies are used in relationships, in ourselves, in our projects, and to feel better, is when we begin to renew our hope in life.
It ends when we can remember the person with love, affection and nostalgia, but the memory does not bring us a deep pain, an eternal emotional state.
After the whirlwind of emotions and sensations that caught us, we find the perspective of utility. Each of these manifestations has an intimate meaning that must be worked on, explored and deciphered to rebuild. Writing can help us, listening to music can cause us to process emotions, or do something meaningful to us.
This will help us to thank and remember fondly the deceased, who will never abandon us because he will remain in us forever, in the form of remembrance and learning, we will be your essence, an essence that will never go away.
References
Martínez González, R. M. (2010). Scarring of the heart causes significant loss. Bilbao: Desclée de Brouwer.