Many of the problems that afflict us have a common origin: lack of self-esteem, thanks to all the external pressures we face, our own personal demand and the feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do, we can end up dealing very harshly. For this reason, if you want to improve your mood, you have to learn to be kind to yourself.
Compassion for oneself is a concept that first appeared in the Buddhist religion, to be kind to oneself is to copy the tone and generosity with which you would treat a close friend, rather than fall into a self-criticism that leads to nothing, without realizing it. , we often talk to each other as if we were our worst enemies.
According to research on the subject, to be kind to yourself, you need to develop three skills:
Now that you know what skills self-pity entails, you’re probably wondering how to develop them, the truth is that these aren’t characteristics that are already installed in us at birth (maybe there’s a preinstallation, a force favored by genetics, but no more than that), so being kind to yourself will require a conscious effort and a lot of work.
In this case, the researchers found that one of the best strategies for developing self-pity is to take care of the quality of the questions; considering certain problems can lead us to change our point of view and the way we act.
This, which is important when it comes to interacting with others, becomes primarily the way we treat ourselves. Here are two of the most important questions to learn how to be kind to yourself.
“The quality of your life is equal to the quality of the questions you ask. “Anthony Robbins?
This question may seem extremely simple, but most of us don’t usually think about it. Overall, we are so concerned about what we have to do that we forget about our own needs.
One of the distorted ideas that leads us to this is to associate selfishness with something negative, if a person says he wants to work on his own happiness, he will soon take a critical look, shouldn’t he sacrifice himself?For others? But, as Aristotle said, caring about oneself, far from being bad, is necessary.
It’s just that in order to give yourself to others, you must first have something to deliver. Think, who can do better?
We can often become our worst enemies. No one judges us as harshly as we do, and that doesn’t require as much. When we demand perfection that is impossible to achieve, we can suffer serious self-esteem problems. Imagine that you and your partner were arguing and started to fall to blame In situations like this, it’s common for us to say things like:
The next time you fall into this series of irrational ideas, imagine what it would be like if you were dealing with someone very close to you, how would that person feel?Do you think you’d really help the person?
If the answer is “no,” why do you treat yourself less well than others?
Treating ourselves with compassion is a very complicated ability to acquire, if criticizing ourselves can help us change, taking this attitude to the extreme ends up causing a lot of suffering, so it’s worth learning to be kind to yourself.
What’s the next step? Now that you know these questions, decide to ask them the next time you judge yourself too harshly, even if at first it is difficult for you, you will notice that gradually treating yourself in this new way will become something more natural.