Self-affirmation techniques can be useful at different times in our daily lives.
Imagine, for example, that you are in the supermarket, specifically in the box waiting for payment, when suddenly someone passes by you, at that moment, even if you are very angry, you end up without saying anything so as not to fight. .
- The opposite can also happen.
- The person who broke your tail may end up feeling all the rage you’ve accumulated during the day you can’t express.
- Then there are feelings of frustration.
- Guilt.
- Etc.
In the example, the first position (shutting up and moving the problem to internal dialogue) is what we call passive driving, which is often the product of insecurity, as well as a low tolerance to conflict.
In these cases, in order not to generate controversy or participate in an unpleasant situation, the person may become complicit in the violation of his rights.
In the second case, the attitude is completely opposite, we are talking about aggressive behavior, produced by the lack of ability to channel the energy that accompanies negative emotions.
The difference is that the person defends his needs and rights without respecting others and, although he is right, loses it by the way it is expressed.
Is assertiveness a quality of communication -therefore, it may be absent or present- that directly influences the correct expression in situations in which it is not easy to assume the position of transmitter.
Skills are part of this set of tools and, as we have already said, it is closely related to emotional intelligence.
This form of communication is a guarantee of our rights, both for those of us who already have and to win new ones.
It can be said that it is sensitive to practice, in addition to being easier for people sensitive to context and able to maintain a balance between different connections, both with themselves and with others.
Here are some techniques for practicing assertiveness. They are techniques of authors like Rivero Hernandez, for example, we will present three that we find especially interesting.
“When you entrust your emotions to someone, you make that person responsible for your life. “- B. Bailey-
It is a very useful technique when we want to maintain a certain posture in front of another person who insists that we do something else, for example, ask us to do you a favor when we can’t.
The other will insist and insist on trying to convince us, is this a form of manipulation?In many cases unconscious? He wants to make us fall into exhaustion.
The goal is to get us to a point where insistence becomes so unbearable that we want to take it down at all costs and that means we’ll probably end up giving in and making an extraordinary effort to stop. noise.
The technique before this destructive tactic is to define an argument that we will repeat over and over again at the insistence of the other, for example, someone wants you to attend an event, but you need to rest.
The scratched disk would be this message: I’m very tired and I need to rest, sending the same message over and over again will prevent you from sending resources to think about how to respond.
The situation would be pretty much this: “Please, do I need you to help me at Saturday’s event?”, and the response from the scratched record would be: “Thank you so much for thinking about me, it’s very nice, but I’m very tired and I need to rest. So I’m not going to be much help now, but will I be happy to be able to help you some other time?
Usually, when something bothers us or we think that our rights are not being respected, we usually use the “you”. For example, “you’re a pig who doesn’t clean anything. ” In these cases, the other person feels attacked and their response will be to refute the attack as protection, generating an argument.
On the other hand, if we talk using the “I”, expressing how much this situation bothers us, it will be easier to awaken each other’s empathy and more difficult if the situation leads to a fight, which can lead to agreements. . For example, I feel suffocated because the house is not clean. Let’s solve ??.
It’s about finding a point where both parties agree, even if it’s minimal, and using it to prove that you have a link that can serve as a basis for bringing positions closer.
For example: “I agree with you that the economic situation in the country is still not good, but other workers in the sector earn more than I do and I hope my salary is not as low as expected. “
If you use these 3 techniques to assert yourself, you will see how your communication with others will improve considerably.
At the same time, your internal speech will also improve, since you will stop working with what would have been or what would not have been, making many regrets and feelings of guilt disappear.