Sometimes the way we express our thoughts and the behavior we demonstrate leaves much to be desired. We are direct, rude and ignore other people’s feelings. In fact, some of these behaviors can become so painful that, over and over again, they end up breaking up friendships, couples, and even families. But what are the types of attitudes that destroy personal relationships and cause us discomfort?
We’re talking about criticism, contempt, counterattack and total withdrawal. In today’s jargon, it could be said that they are “sincericides” behaviors, because they were done by initiating a kind of leap into the void, the result of a small -known sincerity. Besides, being honest is not a matter of tact, delicacy, and reverence. You can say the same thing in different ways without anyone hurting themselves. Let’s see what kind of attitudes destroy personal relationships.
- When a person responds rudely or disrespectfully to an innocent comment.
- It unintentionally activates the emotional part of our brain.
- But not in a positive but negative way.
- So this activation creates a dilemma between two actions to protect themselves.
- : run or fight.
Usually, when we feel attacked, injured or offended by someone we trust, we usually choose to reveal your comment, but we are also likely to respond with anger, which is even worse, what we decide depends on the degree of annoyance or discomfort. hostility we felt at the time.
In attitudes that destroy relationships, there are traces of anger and contempt and sometimes resentment.
The effect this comment has on us is usually the same: anger, anger and dissatisfaction with the person who did it, so if every time we see it it adopts the same attitude and attacks us verbally, we will eventually get tired of it. No one likes to get involved with someone who continually causes discomfort, so we’ll decide to end the relationship.
“Do you always leave everything lying on the ground?” “Do you ever wash your hands before eating, are you constantly late, there is no one who can stand this?, they are examples of small constructive criticisms. because they are not accompanied by behavior that replaces undesirable ones, they are phrases that contain resonant adverbs (?Always?Never?) Expressions that leave no room for understanding or flexibility of conduct.
From now on, criticism can become constructive suggestion or less painful commentary, in this way we will avoid discussions, disagreements and the deterioration of our relationships.
In the examples above, could we add one ?, if you leave everything on the ground, I will have to pick it up and I already have enough daily tasks, I would like you to help me more ?. Yes? When you’re late everywhere, you freak me out, don’t I like to apologize to people every time this happens?
If criticism is mainly expressed orally, contempt can be made in two ways: gestural and verbal. The first is a somewhat more subtle, but equally destructive, form.
Let’s look at some examples. A group of friends agreed to meet and leave after a long time without seeing each other, one of them shows a high degree of self-realization and others, instead of being happy, feel envious. Or that boss who every time one of his employees talks, they look up at the sky, like shouting a “Shut up, please. “Both cases, although not visible, are very painful for those who suffer from them.
There’s no greater contempt than not appreciating
The language of sarcasm is another form of contempt, it is a form of covert aggression that, misunderstood or executed at the wrong time, can also do a lot of damage.
Sometimes we think that when we are attacked we only have two options: counterattack or escape. If we opt for the first thing, the most logical thing is that we automatically respond to the other person with the first thing that goes through our heads. And that’s usually not a nice thing. This, in turn, causes discomfort, which can also lead to a counterattack. In this way, the two fall into a vicious circle that is dangerous and difficult to stop.
Counterattack is one of the attitudes that destroy relationships, a trap that, if not managed, can have serious consequences, including emotional wounds that are difficult to heal.
On the contrary, the total withdrawal is similar to surrender on the battlefield, it is the result of a fierce power struggle between two people, so after weeks or months of continuous attacks, criticisms or provocations, one of the participants chooses to surrender: seek dialogue and not confrontation.
In turn, this attitude insufferes the other side, which is still waiting for an attack to feed its own, but in the end, by not receiving any hostile response, it ends up getting angry, screaming and despairing. There are people who don’t know how to respect other people’s impressive moments and, instead of waiting, increase conflict with their behavior and attitudes.
As we see, attitudes that destroy personal relationships are generally not pleasant, we are aware that if someone criticizes us (non-constructively) we will hardly be their friends, or that if we constantly complain about our partner, we will. our best effort to keep him away from us. However, we continue to adopt these behaviors.
Sometimes it is important to pause the path to breathe and keep an eye on what is happening, rather than continuing everything hastily, without considering the consequences of our actions.