The couple is a reality in constant construction and reconstruction (evolution) The fact that two people love each other does not mean that their affective relationship is free of ups and downs, difficulties and conflicts, there are also moments of common crisis in stable couples. .
Every couple is a universe. He has his own strengths and weaknesses, as well as his own intrinsic conflicts; however, there are crises in stable couples that are common in most of them, referring to times when certain specific factors that destabilize the relationship appear.
- “It’s easier to be a lover than as a husband.
- Because it’s easier to be punctual and witty from time to time than every day.
- “Honored by Balzac?.
There are four common crises in stable couples: when passion ends; when the decision is made to consolidate the union; when they have children and finally when they leave the family home. Let’s look at each one in more detail.
This is the first of the common seizures in stable couples, it is common to occur one year after the onset of the emotional relationship, studies show that, on average, the passion lasts about three months, however, its effects tend to lengthen a little. little else. In any case, it is an approximate figure, which speaks of averages and not of particular cases.
The end of passion implies the breakdown of some of the romantic ideals, that is, the other is not seen as a perfect being or, in essence, extraordinary, now defects also appear. This implies a readjustment of expectations and therefore a crisis, many couples who seemed perfect separated the year or year and a half, this is because this stage from ideal to real.
Most commonly, about three years after the start of the relationship, another of the usual seizures appears in stable couples. It coincides with the moment when the idea of “moving to the next level” starts to appear in the environment. , decide whether they will live together or not. Again, there is a readjustment that leads to a moment of instability.
At this point, the relationship can take multiple directions. At best, the two agree to live together or not, then proceed to the true acceptance of the other and to the consolidation of a mature romantic relationship, while others, on the other hand, do not agree with the next step, so. , it is also customary that at that time there are fights or distances that lead to the breakdown of commitment and even separations.
The arrival of children is another factor that forces the relationship to be restructured. This is one of the times when certain imperfections in the relationship can become visible. It is also common for past conflicts, including children, to arise that have not been resolved. What seemed stable can become unbalanced.
At this stage, the couple is delegated to a second place, because the main role to assume is that of fatherhood, with children being a priority. Sometimes there are disagreements in the educational model; in other cases, one of them comes to believe that so much responsibility is excessive; the inability to resolve these conflicts can cause disruption; if they manage to avoid these difficulties, the couple will become a more close-knit family.
Although the couple has managed to evade all these previous steps, they are still tasked with coping with the moment their children leave the family home in which they grew up, the two are re-founded after many years, everyone has changed significantly during this period. and now they practically need to get to know each other again.
In the past, couples were getting married at a very young age, which is why the empty nest crisis used to occur before age 50, given this, many felt able to do so again, now these late reunions occur much later. Therefore, separations at this stage are not as common, but it can be a period of violent conflict, and overcoming it can lead to recovering parts of the relationship that were asleep.
For the two members of a couple to love each other deeply does not exempt them from going through difficult times, breakups in stable couples are also an opportunity to strengthen and strengthen the bonds between the two, and to give more depth and content to the relationship.