In love, as in the rest of life, we also grow. It is our own experiences and those of others that teach us. In fact, if we look back, surely we will be able to identify different aspects that we have changed in the way we love, whether we have a relationship of more or less time, or even we do not.
In this article we will talk about five aspects that are very common in this learning. There are teenagers who have learned well and there are people who are almost sixty years old and who have not yet taken that step. In one way or another, the thinking we offer in this article speaks to the mistakes that some people make with their partners, which leads them to end up sabotaging their relationships.
- One person immature in one relationship has an overwhelming need to control the other.
- She thinks the person she shares a relationship with is something of hers and looks at it with the same logic with which she would look at a bicycle if she left her on the street.
- This need for control is closely related to time.
- As the other person tries to occupy all the free time that the other person has: it is another form of control.
The mature person knows that this control is a completely unproductive source of anxiety. If the other leaves, he will do it anyway, and if he stays, he will know that it is out of love and not for fear of crossing the barrier that the other is looking at.
The mature person needs his space and also understands the other person, in addition to understanding him and needing his own, is convinced that his existence is rewarding for the relationship.
An immature person has not yet understood the importance of communication in their relationship, that is why they do not take care of it and exposes ideas with words, as they appear in their head, the opposite can also happen: instead of using communication without filters . , you use such a powerful filter that nothing happens.
On the other hand, the mature person understands that communication requires patience and a lot of intelligence; knows, for example, that the proposal is much better than criticism, or that denial has less chance of generating conflict if it comes with a range of alternatives.
Communication requires patience and a lot of intelligence
Immature people forgive, but they don’t forget. They prepared their list of injuries in case there was an argument and they needed to show their claws, on the other hand, this list of injuries is usually endless, since they are very sensitive to the behavior of the other, so any slight touch causes a lot of emotional pain.
The person who has reached maturity resolves conflicts. He understands that wounds take time, but that time is useless if a party is not engaged in resolving the conflict. She does not make a list of snubs because she knows that the only consequence is pain and destruction, both for her and her partner.
Immature people give gifts to receive them. On the other hand, it is rare that a detail seems sufficient to you or meets your expectations. In addition, they need each other’s constant attention and keep in themselves the hope that the other can read their thoughts. Something humanly impossible. They prefer a material gesture to the embrace because they measure the value of these gestures because of the economic cost they are attributed to them. A hug for them is worth very little.
Mature people give themselves gifts to see the reaction of others, for them the best time is to deliver what they have done or bought and look at their faces, they also show immense joy with each gesture that the other makes them, because they pay. attention to what exists and not to what may be lacking. Finally, what they appreciate most are the gestures of affection, because through them they revel in this love of children.
The immature person is only attracted to each other’s physicality, understands that sex is where everything starts and ends, so if the partner doesn’t work like that, he considers the crisis to be deep, at least much more than that. would be if the couple took a whole week without talking more than two minutes in a row.
Mature people understand that desire is an additional fraction of the relationship and communicates with the other facets, that is, they all complement each other and can even be improved, for them where everything begins and ends is in intimacy, where sex lives, but also trust and vulnerability (understood in a positive sense).
Finally, for immature people, the goal with their partner is not to suffer, to be well. For mature people, the goal with their partner is to grow and enjoy. To continue betting on the common project in which they have embarked as we have done. U. S. I already commented. And you, in which of the two poles are you?