The causes of exaggerated narcissism have to do with absences and excesses during childhood; sometimes what prevails is a pattern of deprivation: lack of affection or adequate stimuli; in other cases, what prevails is excess: parents have gone too far to meet the needs of children.
The problems associated with narcissism have different levels, sometimes it is just a domain or a way of being, other times there is a narcissistic personality disorder, which is more serious, in the latter case greatness and selfishness permeate the whole personality, and antisocial traits may appear.
- “Shyness has a strange component of narcissism: the belief that others really care about how we dress and how we act.
- -André Dubus-.
Depending on the causes of exaggerated narcissism, it will leave one or two marks on the personality, in any case, certain characteristics are common, but with different intensities.
In general, greatness, pride, exploitation of others and interpersonal problems prevail. There can also be many hidden traits that denote feelings of inferiority. In any case, the main causes of exaggerated narcissism are as follows.
Sometimes it is thought that someone who was abused as a child becomes an agitator, but that is not always true; the opposite often happens. This means that the victim develops a narcissistic personality, wanting to be above others all the time.
Abuse is one of the most complex causes of exaggerated narcissism. What is happening here is that this feature functions as a compensation and defense mechanism. The idea is created that “I will never be the victim of anyone else. “the image is “inflated. ” Thus, the person ends up creating an exaggerated exaltation of himself.
When there is abandonment, something similar to what happens when violence occurs, the person experienced a great sense of vulnerability in his childhood and that is why he decided to build a wall between him and the world, that wall is narcissism. The main consequence of abandonment, in this case, is a profound difficulty in feeling empathy.
What happens in these cases is that narcissism acts as armor, in addition, an extremely weak person hides in this armor, so it is common for such people to feel a real fear of rejection of others, or to have a strong Feeling of Shame for how they organize their feelings. Narcissism only serves to hide them.
The inconsistency of parents is one of the causes of exaggerated narcissism, inconsistency is the lack of coherence. It can come from words and actions or from actions themselves, for example: parents say one thing, but they do something very different, or those who are erratic and no one knows what they will do.
It is a feature of anxious parents that leads to high insecurity in children. This type of parent exaggerates his children’s abilities. At the same time, he criticizes them very harshly. Narcissism is the response to the distress it causes when you’re in someone’s hands with changing and inconsistent criteria.
This mechanism is very typical of parents who carry feelings of guilt, sometimes they don’t give enough time and attention to their children, and they know that’s not true, so they try to compensate for the damage frequently and inappropriately. , to highlight certain traits that you think your children appreciate, have them or not, because they know very little about their children.
They do it through excessive praise and expensive gifts; it is a way to compensate and cover up his lack of true affection; they feel compelled to celebrate everything their child does, so that no one can doubt this feeling of affection. form an idealized image of yourself, nothing close to reality.
Overprotection is a form of abuse. It conveys a message of fear and anxiety, putting a thought in the child’s mind: that he is unable to cope with changes in life Does that also make him think that there is something special?You have to face it constantly, a weakness, inherent in your being. This fuels both insecurity and exaggerated narcissism.
Finally, a defensive block is formed. The person settles in a bubble, thinking that if others like it, they must protect him and be at the service of his needs, he becomes lazy in the face of the needs of others.
Many of the causes of exaggerated narcissism are related to parents’ narcissism, sometimes they want to repair the damage to their self-esteem through their children, or want to satisfy their own narcissistic desires, the problem is that they end up doing the exact opposite. In this sense, remember that psychotherapy can make a decisive contribution to the restructuring of self-love, so that the child has a real strength.