The life of a person, although singular, is often a repetition or a recreation of their past, many times we live as we have done with our family or in our school, without asking ourselves what we really want or if this is how we think they should be things. .
What we have experienced in the past has made us who we are and has led us to where we are now, but it is always possible to change. However, in order to achieve a sustainable path that will help us move forward in our lives, we must know each other deeply and answer some complicated questions: how do we become who we are?
- Let us think about this.
- The negative adaptations that surround us may have led us to develop traits that characterize us.
- Both those we love and those we do not.
- In fact.
- Are our behaviors.
- Which we least like.
- Generally negative characteristics of the people who have influenced us since we were little – parents.
- Teachers or other important caregivers that we take for ourselves.
- When we look closely at these traits.
- We may begin to notice how they affect our career.
- Relationship.
- And life goals.
The process of differentiation, in which we separate ourselves from the customs that we have established by imitation, is usually not an easy step, since the interpretation of the world we defend is built as a puzzle, in this puzzle some ideas are supported by others. , and eliminating one can result in the complete dismantling of the puzzle, so we often prefer to keep ideas that we know are wrong so as not to fall into the abyss and analyze in depth our construction and have to demolish it.
Dr. Robert Firestone describes this process of differentiation as a seven-step way to free ourselves from the recipes of the past and become what we really want to be. Here are the steps:
# 1? Analyze the attitudes that hurt you. Start by writing the attitude of the person who most influences your life. Look at it from an external perspective.
# 2? Once these attitudes have been identified, think about how they affect your cognitions, behaviors, and feelings.
# 3? Eliminate defensive attitude as usual. People often have several blind spots in their past that prevent them from seeing their influence on their present How can this lack of visibility be eliminated?A good idea is to talk to people who have recently come to your life and who can see things from a greater distance.
# 4? Once you recognize and outline the influence of your past in the present moment, you can more easily demonstrate what you want to change.
# 5? Taking note of the times when you’re reacting in a way you wouldn’t like is very useful in the differentiation process and allows you to get to know yourself better, identify patterns and question what’s happening at the moment. . Many times our automatic reactions condition us greatly and lead us to immerse ourselves in unpleasant feelings like guilt.
# 6? Initial inability to overcome undesirable behaviors can lead to anxiety and insecurity. Try to resist the temptation to stop trying and take your goals seriously. Nobody said it would be easy.
# 7? And remember, no one is perfect. The patterns you’re trying to change have deep emotional bonds, they’re your past. If you find yourself repeating a constant error, don’t judge yourself harshly and don’t generalize. Suppose his behavior was consistent with his thinking and fortunately you’ve changed.
What’s next you’re going to do?