Educating independent and self-confident children requires first knowing when to intervene and when to give them space to acquire their own skills, which will be established after facing challenges and difficulties, and the art of teaching and educating requires large doses of patience. , tons of affection and a wise look that feels the need.
In the book Raising Independent, Self-Confident Kids, two child psychiatrists, Wendy Moss and Donald Moses, reflect on the model of education applied today by many mothers and fathers.
“Help me act for me. ” ? Maria Montessori?
We have reached a point where one of our priorities is to solve all the problems our children face, and sometimes we even get ahead of ourselves and make sure they have an easy, rewarding and always peaceful life. , not only do we give them an apparent and almost magical tranquility, but we are also pleased to know that everything is in order.
All of this is certainly understandable and, in most cases, even predictable; well, it is worth saying that there are those who take this behavior to the extreme, that by facilitating their way every day and in all circumstances, we deprive children of necessary competence. : Executive operation.
Child psychiatrists Wendy Moss and Donald Moses understand executive functioning as the skill set needed to be responsible for their world, organize, challenge, learn from mistakes, and develop autonomy. So let’s see what strategies we can apply to educate independent self-confident children.
Raising a child is like a dance where sometimes you have to hug and hold on to your arms and gradually allow your freedom of movement, well, even at times when your dance partner can split up to perform their own steps and movements. in complete freedom, the other part is always present, guiding from afar.
Knowing when to act and when to leave your children is first and foremosf through the application of basic rules of coexistence and a field of action where each member of the household has their own responsibilities, a responsibility that is assumed and exercised in the day to day confers rights, and it is in this consensual dynamic among family members that children can grow up safe and happy , knowing what is expected of them at all times.
To educate independent children, we must have confidence, both in ourselves as parents or educators, as well as in the children themselves. Thus, they grow in an environment where this trust is constantly nourished, where affection and care are always accessible and where there are no fears or obstacles when it comes to communicating fears. needs; well, they’ll have more security and think they can do just about anything.
What is a healthy decision? Healthy or rewarding decisions are those that allow children to learn, pave the way for them to take responsibility, understand that actions have their consequences, and that misconduct has an impact on themselves and those around them. Teach that seeking counsel is a good thing, and sometimes each person’s choice doesn’t necessarily have to match the opinions of others.
In the same way, it is necessary to consider that each child has his own personality, his tastes, his passions, etc. As adults, we cannot intervene in all your decisions and choices, but we can guide and advise you.
Getting a child responsible requires three things: time, patience, and affection. In the educational task, the main enemies are the need for children to quickly acquire a lot of skills and, in some cases, our lack of dexterity when it comes to it. to master these daily challenges that arise when one least expects them.
One way forward is to understand that children can take responsibility from a young age, at age 3, for example, they can now learn to store their toys and even help us with small household chores like ordering and ordering. remove the table, water plants, take care of pets, etc.
Applying the rules, duties and responsibilities as soon as possible will allow them to grow knowing that they can do many of the things they want to do, that taking responsibility is synonymous with maturity, and that fulfilling them successfully generates self-esteem.
A key strategy for educating independent and responsible children is to help them develop their patience and ability to manage small obstacles in their daily lives, which we should not lose sight of is that they have the opportunity to live and tolerate frustration to become safe teens and adults in the future.
Therefore, let us never doubt the power of the word when necessary. Denying time and time generates great long-term benefits.
Teaching children to observe their interiors, navigate, and understand their emotional worlds will help them better understand everyday problems and challenges, to achieve this, nothing better than inspiring learning and education from the resources of emotional intelligence.
Developing social skills in children will help them build more fulfilling relationships, have a safer picture of themselves, and develop appropriate and rewarding social skills. Nor can we forget that something as basic as establishing proper empathy and assertiveness will make it easier to build more positive bonds in your life. environment, to avoid dynamics such as bullying and survive healthier in your social and emotional trajectory.
Finally, in the adventure of forming independent children, confident and above all happy, we cannot set aside a fundamental aspect: ourselves, the mother, father, grandparents and all the social workers who are part of this scenario close to the child. , who educates with his example, the one who feeds or invalidates him, who gives the impulse to the child’s wings or imprisons him in a cage where only indecision, dependence and frustration live.
Let’s do it right, remembering that words leave marks, ailments feed, and examples show the way.