Discussions are normal. We have differences of opinion with our partner, friend, colleague, the problem is when the fights are out of our control and we start offending the other, evoking issues that are not related to the fight itself, just to win the battle.
Exchange ideas, listen to the other side, then close the issue, bringing peace back to the center, if that doesn’t happen, we think about pain and resentment without solving the problem, when we accumulate all this anger in the next conflict, which doesn’t necessarily have to be with the same person, we will enter armed and ready to attack. This vicious circle must be broken and power is in your hands. You have to be cold-blooded, but following some basic tips, It is possible to finish a fight without generating major trauma.
- 1- Do you listen?How many times are you in an argument and you don’t hear what the other one says because you think of answers and arguments that will silence the ‘opponent’?Instead of doing this.
- Listen carefully to what the person has to say.
- Think about your words and just react.
- Pay attention not only to words.
- But also to the other person and try to understand their point of view.
- More rational and less reactive course.
2- Don’t yell or offend? It’s tempting to argue with a tough guy to get into his game, remember that losing respect won’t make things easier for you, otherwise you end up losing the focus of the fight and start arguing about the other person who cursed or raised his voice. Stay polite.
3- You say you care about others? Even when we are angry with a friend or partner, deep down we feel affection for them. Remembering these feelings brings empathy and willingness to resolve the conflict. It shows that you care about each other’s feelings, but you also have your own. Love first.
4- Be open to acknowledging your mistakes and apologizing? Even if you’re sure you haven’t done anything wrong, if the other person is mad at you, something has happened. You’ll find out by actively listening. Open your heart and know how to recognize its flaws. By apologizing, he encourages the other person to apologize too.
5- Don’t you bring problems from the past? Unless the above questions are directly related to the ongoing fight, don’t keep fighting again just to win the fight, this only increases anger and prolongs the screams.
6- Give space? If the fight starts to spiral out of control, take some time to calm down, think, and talk again when both of you are calmer, this will give the discussion a new perspective and allow you to regain control of the situation.
7- Do you know when to stop?END of the fight! There is no need to insist on the subject. Did you realize you weren’t going to come to a conclusion now?END of the fight. Agree that you disagree, but that you love each other and move on. It may be the hardest advice, but also the most valuable. You know the saying: “When you don’t want to, two don’t fight?” Well, that’s it. Take your team off the field and let the other team fight alone if necessary. He’ll soon realize he’s run out of fuel and stop.
Anyway, commit to solving it, not winning, that’s the secret to ending endless discussions. If you and your partner fight a lot and often, it’s worth asking for professional help. Here are some benefits of couples therapy: http://bit. ly/2aG6jGQ
Seek balance and all your relationships will come out stronger.