How to deal with rebellious teenagers? Adolescence is an important phase of individual growth, where the basis of our identity is defined, many families do not accept or unhook this process of independence in adolescence, considering their children as children, on the other hand, it is more common for adolescents to consider the the most able or more initiative to initiate this “family disconnection”, an inevitable stop on the path of emancipation or autonomy (Lamas , 2007). Although it is also true that they often become rebellious teenagers.
It is in this context that most conflicts between adolescents and their families begin, at this stage adolescents become more questioned and obey fewer and fewer orders, the situation can be complicated and coexistence increasingly difficult.
- It is essential that the family assists the adolescent in their life project by teaching and designing with him effective strategies to improve their relationship with the outside world.
- Sometimes adults forget that teenagers are still children who interact with increasingly complex contexts.
- However.
- We cannot treat them as children.
- And that is precisely where the difficulty resides.
The interest of exploring strategies independently is what leads the teenager to behave strangely, trying to find his place in the world that is gradually opening to him, we cannot forget that at this age, he still does not have much experience interacting with outdoor environments. They will often feel lost, but they also don’t want help that compromises the independence they’ve gained.
Perhaps children adopt family strategies by acting as “prefabricated” teenagers, or they abruptly detach the most from everything they have been taught, seeking their own identity. Accompanying them in this process is vital for adolescence to be just that: a transition from childhood to adulthood. If the family is very large in this process, the child risks becoming a rebellious teenager.
“There are no troubled teenagers, but children who have grown up suffering. “
To demonstrate the influence of the family structure on the origin and maintenance of the problem, Fishman’s description of rebellious adolescents is used (Lamas, 2007). The rebellious teenager grows up in a family structure characterized by very fragile borders and boundaries, where all family members are highly interconnected.
In this kind of family, everyone knows all about everyone. Fragile borders cause these families to follow the advice of the outside world. The weak hierarchy that characterizes these family structures adds to the problem: children are powerful members within the family.
These children often respond to frustrations with excessive anger and form passionate relationships with their boyfriends, with jealousy and breakups followed by dramatic reconciliations. This intolerance of frustration can lead to rebellious and conflict-filled teenagers.
In many learning theories, particularly in behavioral learning, we have found that what is most appropriate for the education of healthy and functional adolescents is a childhood where there are achievements, but also challenges and frustrations, if we do not let our children get frustrated because if they do not achieve certain goals, we will educate selfish monsters who believe they have the right to have everything simply because they exist , and then we’ll have to deal with rebellious teenagers.
This style of creation is becoming increasingly common in family nuclei, it seems that if we make sure that our children have everything we will be better parents, but nothing further from reality, if we educate children in the culture of inoperability, when they reach adolescence, they will not understand our new goals, becoming troublesome teenagers and tyrants.
“Young people have always had the same problem, how to be rebellious and docile at the same time?Quentin Crisp?
Our goal is not to offer “expert advice,” but to encourage parents to connect and find a healthy way to connect with their children. Not all tips are valid for the same family or teen, or for the same teen and family at all times. Parents should understand the most favorable circumstances for their application.
If we have a positive relationship with the teen it will be easier to have a positive influence for him (or negative if the relationship is not good). In addition, it is worth mentioning that if we do not have it we will continue to have the opportunity to build it, it is essential that we know the particularities and interests of the teenager: thanks to them we will be able to contact him, that is, we will have to walk through your terrain and why we better know where we are walking.
Here are 7 general ideas that can help us deal with rebellious teens
Teenagers are, almost at once, distrustful and naive, hopeful and listless, communicative and closed, protective and risky, that is, many are pure contradiction with rich nuances, so they deceive us so much and it is so difficult. to deal with rebellious teenagers.
Most of them care about their social image, either directly or trying to prove that they don’t care what others think. They appreciate help, but what they appreciate most is trust and the ability to make mistakes. In this sense, it is often not necessary to understand or fear them, only to accompany them.
Teenagers seem to be the hardest to educate, but if successful, their teachings will last a lifetime.
We hope these tips can be helpful in treating rebellious teens in the best way possible.