When I met Walter Riso, I was 17. I remember going through a complicated love phase and the book “The Limits of Love” fell into my hands, which helped me open my eyes to many aspects of my personal life and realize infinity. . mistakes I was making, both with my current partner and with myself.
I had totally absorbed the overly romantic ideas they were selling us and learned that, in most cases, it caused more suffering than anything else.
“If you can’t love me the way I deserve, you’d better go. Is there anyone who can appreciate who I am?
? Walter Riso?
Walter Riso, in addition to being a writer, is a clinical psychologist, specialist in cognitive psychology, announcer and therapist trainer.
With reading? The limits of love? Did you fall in love with following your works?Twenty published books? And to date, he’s one of the actors who has influenced me the most. In this article I will try to condense some of the teachings that, personally and professionally, have been most useful to me, although I encourage you to continue learning in your reflections.
Laughter teaches us that attachment is the obsessive bond with someone or something, when we stick to it we tend to believe that that person or object will make us totally happy, give us security and also fill our lives with meaning.
In fact, is it a false idea, the product of romanticism, that can lead a person to suffer pathological jealousy, emotional dependence, lack of identity?
There are several ways to know if you are attached to someone or something:
? Know if your desire is insatiable or not: if you are never satisfied and always need more, you suffer from attachment.
? If you have lost control of yourself: if you no longer own your own conduct, you are a slave to this attachment.
? If you are without this object of desire, it causes you intense discomfort.
? If you stay attached to that something, even if it hurts
One of the keys to personal growth is how to value ourselves for who we are, for our values, our principles, our essence, not for who we have.
When we value ourselves according to what we have, we place happiness on the outside, so that we are always dependent, we must be aware that we are more than we have and that we value who we are
Our insecurity always arises from the distance between the real self and the ideal self. The real self is who I am, while the ideal self is who I want to be.
The problem is that this true self is often distorted and we tend to whip ourselves, looking only at our faults, without being able to perceive our virtues; on the other hand, we also tend to set unrealistic and very demanding goals, so the distance between the real self and the ideal becomes too long.
The “I think only of you”, “everything smells like you? Or” I can’t live without you “denote obsession, not love, and when there’s obsession, love stops working.
Lovers need to understand that they will have fun with each other, but without generating dependence and without losing even one’s identity, we are individuals who have decided to bond with another person, but that tomorrow we can unleash.
The saying? Opposites attract more myths than truths. It is known that the similarity between the partners is essential for the relationship to work. It is, of course, a similarity in the basics: the way of thinking, values, convictions and essence. , and not in superficial things like personal tastes or leisure.
Society teaches us that we need to sacrifice ourselves and care for others before ourselves, and Walter Riso insists that we must be the point of reference.
One must learn to love oneself and, to do so, the four legs of the table are necessary: a good conception of oneself, without hurting oneself or imposing unattainable goals; A positive self-image, at its own discretion and not according to what society imposes; Reward yourself for your accomplishments and successes and a lot of self-confidence.
They wanted to sell us the story that being alone is incomplete, and we even feel sorry when we see people go to the movies alone or have a coffee without company, but loneliness is not bad. Does loneliness allow us to be with ourselves, to have new ideas, to have absolute freedom?
Loneliness, in fact, only hurts when you think that your personal realization depends on having a partner by your side, and it’s just a misunderstanding perpetuated by society, so it’s good to spend times when you’re your only partner. , even if you have a partner, without fears or worries.