Do you know what to do to positively expose a problem to your partner? Often times when we send a message, the way we say it is more important than its content.
Being able to communicate correctly what we mean is not an easy task, we have to listen to words, gestures, emotions, our attitude, etc. In fact, when we approach our partners, we can see that it can be even more complicated.
- Communication.
- Is a true specialty in psychology.
- There are psychologists who are dedicated both to intervening to improve the communication skills of those who request it.
- And to understand how the media affects us in our day-to-day life.
Communication has been studied so much that today it is very clear that good communication skills are very important in all areas of our lives, however, if there is one in which it has a particular impact, it is that of the couple.
Knowing how to positively expose a problem to your partner can help you overcome and learn from the conflict, so in this article we will explain the 8 most important strategies to achieve positive communication in the relationship.
To positively expose a problem to your partner, you need to find the right time. This means you need privacy, peace of mind and attention. We often share only a brief part of the day with the couple, at the end of the afternoon/night, there are thousands of things to do and the fatigue level is high. Remember: moments like these are not the best to talk about a problem.
You need to assess the urgency of your problem to see if you can wait or not, it is best to always look for a time when the couple is available, both are calm and there are no distractions, there is nothing more uncomfortable than trying to explain or understand something and interrupt us, be it the mobile phone, children, television or music. You need to get your partner’s attention 200%. Of course, yours can’t be on a lower level either.
“When someone shows you who you really are, trust. -Maya Angelou-
It is very important that your body physically transmits serenity, not a state of alteration or defense, when you are going to expose a problem to your partner, it is normal that if you have to talk about something important you become nervous or uncomfortable. In this sense, try to maintain control and observe details such as: having an open body position, avoiding crossed arms, looking into your eyes without intimidation and trying not to move too much.
Being face to face and being close to each other, with nothing in between, will help create a more positive mood. For example, sitting on the couch and maintaining eye contact, with a calm tone of voice, can be much better than sitting at the table. table face to face. These small details help make communication of the problem more positive and close.
It’s critical not to push the boundaries when you’re going to expose a problem to your partner, the first step in staying at the center of the matter is to clarify with yourself and know what you’re talking about and what you’re looking for to solve the problem. It is very important that before you start talking, you know how you feel, what you want and what changes you are looking for in the situation, so that it is no longer a problem.
In this sense, you better say what you feel and think clearly and briefly, you don’t have to repeat the same thing over and over again, choose easy-to-understand words, explain yourself with recent examples and the nearest Thing The past is important to understand where we are and why we are, but when you present a problem, you need to focus on what’s happening and how you want the situation to change.
The sandwich technique makes sense when we want to correct the other, but we want to reduce the emotional impact of this criticism; Then it’s good to hear it if you want to pose a problem to your partner. It consists of wrapping the central message with positive elements, placing them before and after in communication. I know you work long hours and I really like that because it shows that you work hard for your family, but I think you could collaborate more on household chores and I’m sure we can find a way for you to do it.
The purpose of this technique is to take advantage of the psychological effects of primacy and the present day, which explain how what we remember most about a message is what it is at the beginning and end, so mention the problem in the middle of the message. , start and end with something positive, is an excellent formula to introduce conflict and for the final feeling to be positive.
The words you choose when you talk about problems are fundamental, so to raise a problem in a positive way, your words must be flexible, reflect a desire or suggestion, not an ultimatum, for example, if you use one?Could? Instead of “duty,” the other person is much more likely to listen openly.
Present your problem with words like “I’d like,” “I’d need it,” “Would you make me very happy?”It’s much better than saying “I want that, ” “Should you?” Or “I need that. “In fact, the message is the same, but can words do magic in that sense, make the other person accept?And even commit to a change he would otherwise oppose.
If you want to expose a problem to your partner in a positive way, you can not miss the moment when you propose a solution, explain a problem and not give a solution is not a good idea: if you do not suggest any exit, you take the couple to a dead end. Another important aspect is that the solution is a suggestion, not an imposition. It’s about solving the problem, not getting the other person to do exactly what you want.
Before you raise the issue, is it very important that you make one?Brainstorming? Or “brainstorming” and evaluate possible solutions to suggest. It’s not about explaining to your partner what you think the solution is, because for the solution to be fair and effective it should be evaluated by both partners, it’s about suggesting what you think can be done if he agrees, because if it’s a problem in which the couple as a unit is involved, the responsibility of origin , the maintenance and resolution of the problem is shared between the two.
“The fact that we are honest is what makes relationships last. -Lauryn Hill-
Behind each complaint lies a desire, for example, when you think, why don’t you recognize my efforts anymore?or “always late, don’t take me seriously” the desire behind each of these complaints is “Do I want you to acknowledge my efforts more and tell me that you understand what I’m doing?”and “I want you to get there on time because it’s important to me. “
Turning a complaint into desire is a skill, it requires practice, but it is not impossible, the first step is to put aside all the powerful and unpleasant emotions that the complaint generates us and think about what we really want to ask.
Secondly, it is very important to convey the desire in a positive language, which allows action and does not immobilize the other, that is, to positively expose a problem to your partner, you need to explain what you want to happen now, without focusing on what bothers them (the complaint).
Don’t ask for an immediate response or action, let your partner think about what you’ve exposed, if you don’t ask for an answer while raising the problem, relieve your partner and reduce the pressure on someone to make a decision. is one of the most effective ways to turn the problem into a positive challenge. This gives others freedom, allows them to assess without pressure and respond once “Impact” to realize that something is wrong.
But be careful, each moment of reflection, to be useful, has an expiration date, that is, a deadline must be set. The time you give your partner will depend on the personal moments of each one and, above all, on the urgency and importance of resolving the conflict, but it is not about taking an indefinite time to think, because if it is, what happens is that the problem is avoided, and avoiding the problem is nothing more than maintaining it.
If you consider these ideas when exposing a problem to your partner, you can do it positively, so it will be much easier to learn from conflict if you know a little more and strengthen your union.