Resentment is a deep and persistent resentment. It is a negative emotion that invades us when someone hurts us and we believe that there is an intention behind this action or a lack of effort to avoid causing such suffering, on the other hand, it is this resentment that motivates revenge. In this context, the main reason we must learn to deal with grudges is not only the harm we can do to others, but our own mental well-being.
It is very harmful to recreate the sensation and nourish the pain, even if it seems attractive, what we really do is get drunk under the pretext of relieving pain expressing our emotions.
- We can use some tricks to manage resentment in a situation that makes us angry.
- So that we can identify the cause of the problem and analyze it so that suffering does not increase.
- Swept away by the situation and the feelings they are struggling to take control of our behavior.
To start managing the grudge, it is best to analyze the origin of this feeling in the most objective way possible, for this we can seek a well-founded explanation that neutralizes negative feelings, for example, we must accept that a professional situation will not always adapt ideally to our tastes or our interests.
There is no point in reflecting on problems, without increasing this sense of inner hatred that goes against our ability to deal with grudges. Faced with this, it is better to try to forget the problem, accept that we cannot change what happened and start looking for solutions.
This can be one of the most complicated points, since often forgiveness is not a simple task, so a good option is to stimulate the memory of the facts or circumstances that motivated this forgiveness, probably these facts were a thing of the past, attracted by emotion itself.
As an exercise, we can make two columns in which we will put the positive and negative aspects of our relationship with the person who generated the problem, even giving a numerical value to each one, in this way we will be able to manage the resentment. we feel in a more objective way, being able to see the situation from a new perspective and rated the good and bad things.
This step is a good complement to the previous element, so once we analyze the positive and negative aspects of our relationship with the person who caused the problem, we can draw conclusions about the value of that relationship, so we can see whether or not it deserves a step beyond forgiveness and an attempt to regain the relationship.
To handle resentment, it is important not to save the problem for yourself. Talk to someone who can give you a different view of the situation or highlight ideas you haven’t thought about yet.
Letting yourself be carried away by feelings is totally at odds with good management of the situation, so, however difficult, it is better to wait to discuss the problem with “the cold head” rather than start a lively discussion.
Our brain has a survival mechanism that helps us forget what caused us the pain. Of course, it’s not a foolproof solution, but it can be used to handle grudges in a healthier way.
If someone has hurt us in any way, it is best not to always be alert until it happens again, try to convince you that this can be an isolated fact, of course it is also important to know how to recognize the character of people. and be aware that someone could hurt us again in the future.
Finally, if we face an unresolved problem or it constantly leads us to a stressful situation, it is better to walk away. This can be good advice in case of rupture, so we will avoid situations that may reopen old injuries. In short, space and time will help us see things more clearly, leaving the grudge aside.