Self-esteem is not lent, neglected, or left in the pocket of others, yet we are still this society that needs the reinforcement of others to reassert itself, and we keep saying, “Yes?Quietly when you say one. ? No?In a firm voice, have we forgotten, almost without realizing it, that few abandonments are as deadly as not loving oneself?
It is true that few psychological dimensions have generated as much interest, as many publications and manuals on the publishing and personal development market as self-esteem, at this stage a large part of the population knows how to manage concepts, terminologies, strategies and refinements. tools created by renowned specialists that invite us to improve day by day to develop our potential.
- But what have we achieved?The truth is.
- Not always.
- We leave the house after repeating phrases like “I love myself.
- I am able to achieve everything I strive to do and nothing and no one can stop me” several times in front of the mirror.
However, without delay, we return to the mailbox of vicious circles composed of negative thoughts, face insecurity, fear of what they will say, and direct our actions towards this relentless search for recognition to increase our self-esteem at a time. high price.
It’s not easy, and it’s not primarily because we often have a limited idea of what self-esteem really is, why not, isn’t that enough?Love yourself. It is equally important to improve and work on dimensions as fundamental as our perception of ourselves, as well as the interactions we establish with those around us.
As you can see, in this complex fabric that forms our social and emotional identity, there are stripes and seams that need to be strengthened or even renewed, so we suggest you think about these nine strategies.
Not knowing how to “feed”, taking care of yourself and feeding is a curse, a kind of spell that forces us to make the same mistake, the same behavior, the same background, over and over again: we turn to others for what we do not offer ourselves.
If we launch a project, we expect our partner, friends and family to support every idea, every expectation, every goal and every proposal; if they don’t, if they have a negative opinion on certain aspects, we may feel like they want us to abandon the idea, so we can come to take this as a personal attack.
We must be emotionally autonomous people, beings who see themselves precious to themselves and highly worthy of aiming for any goal, purpose or goal, in this way, and only in this way, we will be able to find the positive part of the criticisms. that exist on this planet.
We said it at first. There are those who do not leave the house without having performed a simple ritual, to stand in front of the mirror and repeat phrases like “I love myself, I am capable, I am beautiful, no one can hurt me or I am someone”. it’s worth it. “
Well, it’s quite possible that the formula works for more than one person, but we need to understand that these kinds of generic expressions almost always work as “empty calories. “In other words, they lift morale for a while, but they are digested inside for a few hours and the effect disappears. They are elusive ideas that, because they are not concrete, hardly evoke memories that serve as a medium.
For example: “In the past they hurt you, they made you think you were small and insignificant, but now you’ve healed your wounds and your skin is much harder. Now you’re a giant, this scared kid from yesterday is falling behind. Now nothing can stop him?
Having low self-esteem makes us more vulnerable to most ‘injuries’. Psychological problems that can occur in everyday life, whether small or powerful. Are we less resistant to frustration, failure, disappointments hurt more, we struggle to manage anxiety and stress?
There are people who say to themselves, to strengthen their self-esteem, phrases like “everything will be fine, I will achieve it and I will achieve this and this and everything I want. “
As mentioned above, this type of backup has a very short battery, we must understand that when we face a person with low self-esteem, it will not do us much good to feed him with mere hope, what he needs. are convictions, firm, concrete, realistic and tangible aspects.
So, should we learn to do it?
“I get along very well with social issues. I got a good grade in my college career and it allowed me to work in this field, I don’t have to feel in danger because I have the right skills, so I have no reason. “doubt myself, I know what I am worth and I understand that I have a high probability of getting what I want, because in the past I have achieved several achievements ??
How can I deny it? From a young time they have been guided, guided and subjected to the magic of praise, singing or patting on the back and seeking approval. We become addicted to external recognition, and in case we are not, the cause is also in these clean and irretrievable flaws: because we are clumsy, ugly, fat, shy or stranded.
Little by little we move away from ourselves as if we live in an uncomfortable skin, a foreign body that we hate and disgust.
Low self-esteem encloses us in the basement of the comfort zone, in the pipes of immobility and in the dark room of fear, whispers that it is better not to experiment, not risk and not explore, because chances are that we will make mistakes again or that we will draw much attention among others.
Reality and everything around us hides beautiful things, people and situations that deserve to be discovered.
People with low self-esteem have an excessive tendency to rationalize everything. “If I do that, you may think I have to do it to make them realize that I’m capable. “”Better avoid this because I can fail, better shut up what I feel and act like nothing has happened?”
Dare to enjoy the pleasure of prioritizing, placing yourself as the highest priority of your day to day and feeding as you deserve, without as many currents, pressures and deganas.
Self-lag is necessary and very useful to increase self-esteem, however, it is extremely important to keep in mind a small detail: we must not do it in an exaggerated or excessive way, but only when we do something good, of which we are proud.
It’s quite possible that in your day-to-day life, you’re focusing all your efforts, thoughts and energies on rewarding others, helping them, making their lives easier, putting your strength on your cards, your expectations, what they expect. . of you.
This long-term approach to life can only bear one fruit: suffering
To improve your self-esteem and start seeing real changes in just one month, learn to reward each day in a different and varied way:
In conclusion, we are aware that repairing and healing fragments of wounded or fragmented self-esteem takes time, however, this task requires two basic elements: willpower and perseverance, we gradually discover this ideal dimension, where thanks to perfect distances and confidence that we will love each other a little more without fears, guilt or blows. The way you do it is already worth it.
references
-Nathaniel Branden (1994) “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”. New York: Bantan Books
-Luis Rojas-Marcos (2007) “Self-esteem, better life”. Barcelona: Espasa Today
-Walter Riso (2012) “Love Yourself: The Essential Value of Self-Esteem”. Valencia: Ocean
Images courtesy of Katrhin Honest