Most parents do their best to give their children a happy and healthy childhood; others do what they can, getting carried away by the education they received from their parents; however, having good intentions does not free you as a father of error.
Not having a clear approach to educating your children also doesn’t free you from the utmost responsibility you have for them. Not intentionally or intentionally, but ignoring the harm, parents can offer a toxic education to their children.
- But how do you know if the education you give your children is toxic?Observe and analyze the following situations.
- If they occur at home.
- There are many opportunities for one or both parents to be toxic to their children.
Some people think that rigidity and demand are the magical ingredients that will allow their children to take care of themselves in the future Only the parents who apply?A hard love that you are not really aware of the impact this can have on your children’s lives.
This way of ‘loving’ children is not considered by them as such, children demand LOVE in capital letters, a tender love, parents who do not offer them that love do not give them the safety and affirmation they need, the firm hand is not an approach to raising healthy and balanced children.
All parents criticize from time to time. You can’t learn much without a little criticism, however, a mother or toxic parent leads you to the extremely harmful, criticizing everything your children do.
These parents may make the mistake of thinking they are doing this to make sure their children don’t make serious mistakes. Unfortunately, continued criticism leads the child to develop severe internal criticism, which can become insecure and oppressive in adulthood.
“Your children demand, more than anything, that you love them for who they are, not that they spend all their time trying to correct them. “- Bill Ayers-
Toxic parents constantly turn to their children to replace their own parents, demanding their attention at all times, can do so with the idea of strengthening the bond between them, however, the constant demand for care gives way to a parasitic relationship that takes a lot of time for the child and absorbs the energy that should be used for other things , such as learning other skills or relating to peers.
Even if it is difficult, parents should leave their children in a space to grow up, learn, play, connect with others, without forcing them to interact constantly to meet their own needs.
“I think the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, that they can be strong, that they can live life as they please, that they can take the train, that they are better people, who believe in themselves more?. – JoyBell C-
Most toxic parents grew up in a toxic educational environment nurtured by their own parents, some are aware of this and the damage it has caused them, so they try not to replicate the model inherited from their parents.
However, many justify toxic behaviors with examples from their own parents, and also believe that if their parents physically or emotionally abused them it is because they deserved it.
This is because toxic parents have the ability to distort any situation to fit their needs, leaving their child with two options: accepting that their father is bad for him or internalizing all the blame. The saddest thing is that, in most cases, in cases, children, including adults, choose the last option.
Not allowing a child to express negative feelings or emotional needs can lead to depression and can also make it difficult for a child to manage negativity appropriately in his or her adult life.
Parents who refuse to meet their children’s emotional needs and deny or criticize their negative emotions raise a child who will feel unable to express what they need.
Educating also means learning to grow on bad days, when frustration threatens to come from one moment to the next, it is not to protect them from adversity, it is to give them tools to face it and it does not frighten them.
Toxic parents often believe that their feelings should be the first thing in the family, this old-fashioned way of thinking, however, does not help to establish positive relationships, although parents must make the final decision in everything, it is necessary to take into account the feelings of the parents. every member of the family.
In this sense, toxic parents constantly force their children to suppress their own feelings and needs to calm them down, one way or another, they pretend to have a relationship between equals, because if there is something that characterizes a relationship between parents and children. children, especially at first, is the lack of symmetry.
Most children have been blamed once by their parents, but toxic people regularly resort to this tactic. Guilt is a very effective emotional control tool to achieve their goals, but it is very harmful to children.
This attitude of toxic parents is often accompanied by bribes in the form of money or gifts in exchange for getting what they want, or as a means of alleviating their own guilt.
It can be difficult to talk to someone he is angry with, but denying a child the word and applying the treatment of silence as a lesson is harmful and immature behavior.
This passive-aggressive treatment hurts in any kind of relationship and makes the other person feel compelled to resolve a situation for which he may not be responsible, even if he has done nothing wrong or does not know exactly what he has done. Never mind, it doesn’t teach children what they need to learn.
If you think your child plays a key role in his own happiness, he creates unrealistic expectations about his role in life. No child should be responsible for the happiness of their parents or anyone else.
We are all responsible for our own happiness, it is our decisions that bring us closer to or away from the right people, who choose one goal and not another, or that give a destiny and meaning to the victims.
“Take responsibility for your own happiness, don’t expect people or things to bring you happiness, or you might be disappointed” – Rodolfo Costa-