You may have recently experienced a love story, after thousands of doubts, several accumulated reconciliations and moments of sadness that seemed impossible to restore. Leaving a relationship is usually a moment of mixed feelings, not because there is still more or less love, but because it means letting go of a stage of life, as has also happened with others. . Unfortunately, one of those feelings is usually that of failure.
No wonder, then, that nostalgia for what was lost with some enthusiasm for the courage to have left behind a situation that already weighed on life, so these can be moments of real confusion where we take a step forward, and two more, two more. go ahead, until we finally get out.
- Ending a romantic relationship is often synonymous with breaking stability.
- However intermittent as an anchor in our own minds.
- We always rely on it for our own projects.
- Projects that may have been broken by the end of the relationship.
- Others will survive but involve other people.
- Or not.
One of the most common feelings in people who have just had a love affair is the feeling of failure, they had sworn the pleasures of eternal love and suddenly they find themselves in a vacuum where these words resonate very strongly, it is an echo of fear and anger as well.
When a couple is formed the most common thing is that both people invest a lot so that the bond develops quickly and strongly, it is an investment where hope, detail and the desire to spend time together, a time that never seems enough, in fact. , is one of the few things why abundance does not have to leave indisposition.
As time goes on, the situation stabilizes and the two begin to pull the threads that were previously releasing giving way to the first tensions. No one can survive long in the first phase that we described above, because it is a period in which the balance in what we put the facets of our life is totally unbalanced. The partner, friends and other personal projects are set aside, and with the normalization of the relationship, it is time to recover in part.
However, in this second period, although the investment is less intense, it still exists, it is no longer so much to give or offer, but to build together, this building in turn creates links of interdependence that will hinder any separation. a house or a debt, but there are also each other’s families, the planned trip for the summer or the party they would go to together.
Breaking these ties is precisely what reinforces the sense of failure: they remind us that we were participating in a project that has disappeared, that sense of failure is what drives, for example, a couple to delay the communication that has separated, even if they have separated. we haven’t been building together for some time.
It is also easy for feelings of failure to be accompanied by a deterioration in self-esteem, especially among those who have not made the decision, they may feel that they are not good enough to be accepted as peers by the other person and can generalize this thinking to other areas that can be evaluated, such as job performance.
Thus, the feeling of failure makes sense in this way of conceiving a relationship, a form historically inherited from previous generations where separation was seen in fear, if not with some repudiation, by society; it is also part of our way of life, in which many of our present actions are conditioned by future claims. A future that no one can guarantee.
This is curious, because when time passes and grief is overcome, we generally remember the good times of this relationship, and not so much the bad ones, we are able to give meaning that would probably have helped us sooner. that a relationship is worth what it brings, not what it gives.
It is worth it for shared walks, for loving dinners, for silly surprises or for nervousness before meeting the in-laws. He’s probably betting a lot to make it work, but really think about whether what he gave himself in the relationship didn’t work either. Yes, the relationship, not the other person. I may never made you a surprise, but it didn’t take you long to prepare the ones you did, maybe I never picked you up from work, but wasn’t it good when you were going to pick it up?
Seeing the relationship from this point of view not only prevents a sense of failure from appearing in the event of termination, but also motivates and stimulates us through something that we control ourselves, that something is nothing but the pleasure of feeling how the other is. protected by our own coat, when we shudder with cold. This something is nothing but what we do and it’s in our own hands, as well as continuing if the relationship ends.