The role of the father has changed over the years and, today, it does not seem very defined, before it was clearer: they were the sponsors of the house and those who had the last word, were the supreme voice of authority. , but they cared little about their children, let alone household chores. Everything seemed to be in order.
The last few decades have radically transformed the male figure and, of course, also the father figure, but there is a time before and now for parents to feel deeply involved: the success of their children.
- In the past they cared about training honest and hard-working people to become useful citizens.
- Now.
- But based on this same logic.
- Some parents have chosen to become a kind of “Manager” for their children.
- Not only do they want them to be good citizens.
- But they also aspire to be the best in a given field.
- As in sport.
- For example.
This is clearly seen in the stands of children’s weekend tournaments, they are always there, behind the scenes, directing your child’s activity to be the best, get so involved in this that they concentrate all creation towards these achievements and even manage their affection accordingly. They are parents who project their successful fantasies for their children and who, to some extent, cease to be parents to become coaches of their children’s talent.
The male vision of success is much more demanding and limited than that of women. As a result, many parents find it difficult to differentiate between raising a successful child and raising a happy child. For most of them, one is synonymous with others and therefore in very good faith, they strive to educate their children for their achievements, especially if they refer to the competition.
These parents want to be proud of their children’s accomplishments. Sometimes they are unable to differentiate their own desires from their children’s desires. Children generally want to please these parents and learn to read their smiles and expressions of satisfaction when they win a medal, they arrive faster. , score a goal or score 10 in math. The fact that their parents are proud of them reassures them. They are then easily subjected to these approvals or disapprovals.
It turns out that if children don’t excel at what their father expects, there is a wave of indifference. You may not be reprimanded directly, though they often do. In any case, they rarely skimp on disappointment. that son who let them down.
Parents who engage in such behaviors are actually children looking to be claimed, they are likely to have been victims of a similar education: they had high expectations for them and perhaps not all satisfied them, and if they did, they did. he did so as a result of rigid resignations or great suffering.
Your children refer you to those children that they were, too. You want to fix what? Failed with them, what didn’t allow them to be him?Messi? From the team, or the prodigy of the class, or the richest entrepreneur, they feel indebted and pass those faults on to their own children, they do so unconsciously and with the best of intentions. They really believe their desire is to make their children better than themselves, to have a better life.
The problem with this whole equation is that one crucial factor is excluded: true love, this love that is the only one capable of respecting processes, times and errors, is also the one that fundamentally accepts the other as it is, with the whole package: successes, mistakes, triumphs and failures.
Father’s love? Manager? It may be very deep, but it is still selfish. Such a father cares more about himself and his happiness than about the true well-being of his child. First, a parent must lend a firm hand that will fill their child with confidence and assurance. : whatever the circumstances, he is a precious person who deserves to be recognized both in his achievements and in any other event in life.
Images courtesy of Brett Cole.