Aren’t I breaking the rule? I also took my Year’s Eve balance. An almost automatic event, programmed by the mind that began to add, subtract, multiply and divide independently. I think it was this year that I said, “This year my life will change!”
Did I understand in the following months what this power of thought means?The changes were invited or not, transforming everything around me.
- Maybe it was that same year I said it was in the eye of the storm?This small place where after crossing the initial turbulence of the typhoon and seeing everything rise in the air.
- We can clearly see the gray and transported clouds.
- The blue sky above the funnel.
- Looking so far and we finish the cone.
- Tight.
- Tight.
- Scared of the storm that is not yet over.
In the eye of the hurricane, this is where we see our furniture and shelter rising in the air, parts of these rooms reaching and injuring the people we love as we watch powerlessly the sequence of events out of our control.
It is right there, at the center of all this, as we cling firmly to everything that offers us a balance point, that we want to find a secret passage through which to pass unhinged and pretend that it is not our life that everything collapsed like this, so fast.
After all the noise and broken, the sky turns blue again, as people sit in the middle of the desert that has been built around us and look at the horizon in search of strength and a north to start over. There are so many breaks and losers to get out of place, there are so many wounded to help heal and are there so many wounded trying to survive as it all happens?
But when the storm passes, we have to start over, we need a new shelter. We need new furniture, we must take care of our own wounds, because after such a storm, solidarity is important, but not as much as being strong enough and healed enough to help others.
After a storm like this, when you see someone injured by the remains of a piece of furniture or a wall that was our fault, it is also necessary to treat internal wounds, understand that they are timely and that nothing happens without purpose.
Once the storm passed, this terrifying cone got rid of it, I could no longer see myself in the eye of the hurricane, it was starting again, rebuilding every brick of my life, building new walls to house my soul. To heal external, internal wounds, wounds, to look with regret at the others wounded and to treat the nearest ones, for whom he felt responsible for not offering a safer shelter.
Now here, observing this calculation that my mind began to do stubbornly, I feel extraordinary tiredness, I am dizzy, maybe because I have spent too much time circling around the hurricane, I feel pain all over my body and I have lost myself. The courage to do it again for countless times? But everyone was alone, rebuilding their lives, and if I wanted one, I couldn’t do it any other way.
I kept my fatigue in a corner and with vertigo and shortness of breath, I went for a walk and work at a trembling pace, at a slower pace than my usual skills, testing all my limits to tell you, here, at the end of this book of such intense intrigue, that I survived.
The final balance was this. I survived. The hurricane, injuries, demands, self-harm . . . Survived.
It’s no longer a storm and is it a beautiful sun in a turquoise blue sky?
Although I still feel dizzy and weak, I am sitting in the middle of rebuilding my shelter and I am proud because I survived, I have gained muscle, physical endurance, there is pain that I no longer feel, I am not ready for another hurricane, but no one faces it and lives without learning valuable survival lessons?
Because of life, I tell you, everyday life is a chapter of a plot that we write and sometimes it becomes a storm, it changes over time, it is tested, does it really live?
And I who do not break the rule I bid farewell to this much richer book, healing the wounds walking towards a brand new book, full of blank pages, pen in hand, wanting to write on the spring that landed on the soaked ground, then the passage of the storm.