Psychologists or psychiatrists claim that abuse is a consequence of the disease, but are prone to an explanation related to an unequal system, that is, an abuse of power or domination that affects society.
An abuser often begins by harassing the victim, reducing his freedom, ingesting him from his environment (family, friends, etc. ), undermining his self-esteem, blocking and undermining his sense of security, gradually transforming him into a dependent.
- Do you get mad when I go out with my friends.
- Tell me not to do too much makeup?Don’t you like me wearing a very short skirt.
- Don’t you want me to talk to my peers.
- They’re the most common expressions of women who suffer psychological abuse from their partners.
Scolding, treating like a child, considering him useless or stupid, getting him to change the way he is or dressed, are also ways to mistreat.
The abuser also often abuses her power, whether economic or physical, and makes a woman feel guilty about the way she speaks, thinks, acts, etc. The problem of guilt is very common and can also lead to so-called ‘Stockholm syndrome’, in which situations that can lead to conflict or confrontation are avoided so as not to fight or even break.
The cycle of abuse often begins in the abuser’s childhood or in a type of trauma that has occurred to the perpetrator in his early years (until adolescence). The perpetrator may have experienced many physical or verbal abuses in an environment and suffered from fear. , abandonment, retaliation, over-control, physical aggression, etc.
These are the main characteristics of a person with a clear abuser profile:
? Possessive, dominant and demanding: one of the first things you take is to keep your partner away from family and friends. Saying bad things about them, disturbing them in public, wanting to sow discord in a discussion or problem, etc. , this transforms the victim’s personality, deprives her of external supports and makes her dependent. With the use of violence, it exerts absolute power over what you do, feel and think, even in the innermost part of your being.
? Self-centered: the world must always revolve around it. Doing what she likes at all times (the movie, the restaurant, the vacation spot, the exits) and if not, she gets angry Is the woman a mere satellite?You should revolve around him, depending on what you expect from her in each situation. Everything must be under his control and, if he wants to enjoy some of his independence, he will show his most violent features.
? Difficult temperament: tantrums like children, tantrums, threats, frowning, fights, etc. Everything is always justified because of the other, not for internal reasons, he will say that such an attitude puts him in a bad mood, that such the answer is the cause of his anger and a long list of excuses.
? Ridiculous or public humiliation: Whether at a family gathering or dinner with friends, you won’t have a problem? For others, the defects of their partner. “You don’t think I’m a little overweight”, “You always make mistakes”, “You don’t know how to make meat the way I like it?
He does this to keep the woman under control, insulting, denigrating, injuring. As a result, trust is destroyed and errors will only be thought carefully. You’ll never be satisfied with progress or success and minimize any achievement. Personal failures will surface earlier, virtues, so you feel like you’re always doing everything wrong.
? Paranoid control: he thinks that others want to take advantage of him, his money, his power, his contacts, his wisdom, his experience, etc. You have an obsessive need to control your partner on a daily basis, with questions designed to find contradictions. .
The perpetrator constantly monitors his victim’s movements, wanting to know where his girlfriend or wife is, who he’s with, what time he’s back, what he’s doing and what he’s not doing, who he’s talking to, why he’s a few minutes away. late, etc. He sees the other person as his possession, his object, and not as a person with a life of his own.
? Violent and aggressive: gradually it starts to break, plates, furniture or glass, hits walls, throws objects to the ground or against the person, etc. If you reach this stage, you need to file a complaint and flee immediately, not to give opportunities.
It sounds very simple to do, but it is not, because the perpetrator keeps the victim in different ways, with a heavy psychological burden. However, if many of these points seem familiar to you, you have a problem that you need to fix before it’s possible. Too late.