Death is part of the life cycle, but it is not an easy event to overcome, after the death of a loved one or the separation of a couple, among many other painful situations that may arise, you must enter the bereavement room. , sometimes we get stuck in this room because we forget that it is not possible to overcome pain without acceptance and without suffering. To accept is to recognize this new reality and learn to live with it.
Every duel requires willpower, commitment, faith, resources, etc. On the other hand, it is a difficult time: at first we deny what happened, then other emotions arise such as irritation and anger, so our world collapses?And we feel very sad. Feelings of emptiness and pain arise more intensely to finally accept what happened. But during all these phases, we suffer a lot and sometimes that suffering leads us to stagnate in one of them.
- One can spend a long season denying that this loss has happened: it is very painful to face it head-on.
- It can be easier to get angry.
- Blame others or the world for what happened.
- So we stay there.
- Without allowing ourselves.
- Cry.
- Be sad.
- Release all the sadness we feel inside.
There is no mourning that can be healed without tears, moments of loneliness and sadness, feelings of despair and loss of desire to move forward.
It may seem paradoxical, but there is no painless cure, we must sink into the well of our feelings: to perceive our suffering by trying to deny what happened, to perceive all the anger and irritation we feel, and then to free ourselves from all suffering. sadness that has settled within us. In this penultimate phase, when despair appears, the situation becomes more critical of the danger of abandonment and depression.
Despair takes away our desire to live, we feel victimized by circumstance and unconsciously seek depression, we think we have no strength to move forward and from that well we have immersed ourselves in, a well that seems to have no way out.
However, everything is the result of our perspective, or at least a good part: we create the reality that we want to perceive. One way or another, right now, the pain is so deep that we believe there is no hope for us. : we are trapped in a dark room and have no strength to leave.
It can take weeks, months and that feeling keeps us stagnant, yet the pain we feel will eventually stop and we will get tired of the situation we find ourselves in, one day we will wake up to leave this abyss of sadness, where they drown in our own tears.
If you feel powerless, if disappointment and sadness invade you, the world may become unbearable, but think about the times when you were happy. It was great, wasn’t it? Our world view changes, depending on how we felt.
Although we know that we cannot overcome pain without suffering and acceptance, the next time we enter the same room we probably feel as clumsy as the first time, it is because we are afraid to feel and, when we feel, we hear an inner voice telling us that these emotions will be eternal, that is why we want to escape.
When we have no choice but to deal with the situation, we use certain strategies to avoid pain. Thus, we have gone through all phases of grief, each more painful than the other. We avoid acceptance, but what we avoid so much will. Let’s get free. To accept is not to forget: it is to continue living, to seek new ways and new dreams.
The well is actually a tunnel! We have to cover it up, we are coming in and we have to go, however, our fear of feeling, experimenting and accepting reality, our lack of hope, makes us perceive it as a well where nothing makes sense.
Therefore, on several occasions, with the death of a parent or the separation of a couple, we believe that we will not find happiness and move forward, we believe that there will be no more success or adventure, we are so attached to these people and situations that we feel that we cannot continue to live, but that is not the case. To understand and overcome grief it is necessary to embrace the pain, feel it and finally accept it in order to move forward.