Accepting is not a defeat. When we accept that a situation has become uncontrollable and things have not turned out as we imagine, it does not mean that we have lost, on many occasions we can feel overwhelmed and lose resistance to bad circumstances, which we cannot change. Contrary to what is believed, in many cases we do not want to lend a hand either.
Seeing acceptance in this way is nothing more than a belief that needs to be reformed, because, like many others, this belief can lead a person to make mistakes that prevent him from coping with circumstances in the most appropriate way. lines, we will reduce it so that it is possible to see acceptance with other eyes and understand that the act of accepting is not a defeat.
Does saying yes to life as it is, as it presents itself, mean feeling defeated?
The concept of radical acceptance was developed by Marsha M. Linehan, but it was disseminated by Tara Branch, both psychologists, is an idea born of Buddhist philosophy that motivates people to abandon all their expectations, the fruit of beliefs, which lead to vain Therefore, we must surrender and stop resisting what we cannot change (or what can be changed: change begins with acceptance of the problem itself , not with their denial).
However, we must not confuse redemption with victimization. We cannot accept this relationship as logical, so this acceptance leads us to take refuge in complaints. Radical acceptance refers to appreciating what is happening from a different perspective, where everything is happening in a definite way and we cannot change, but we still have the ability to decide our reaction.
Imagine you’re unemployed. You have savings and you will also receive unemployment benefits, however, you refuse to accept reality. He’s angry and sad about this situation. They took you out of your comfort zone and now you feel desperate.
Accepting this situation without complaining, without being depressed and as an opportunity, does not seem to be the natural trend, at least for most people. Nor is it well accepted: would others think so? Oh, he doesn’t care about the job. And “with this attitude is it normal to be fired?” Different phrases that only motivate denunciation and victimistic attitude, which makes it easier for the individual to find himself as a drifting boat.
In the society in which we live, we reward “being evil. “If you ask someone, how are you?Very well? Or “Better than ever, ” you might consider him a lunatic.
So what would you do if you radically accepted this situation?You get fired, you feel all these emotions, you allow yourself to express them and then you stop. You stop to see the situation and say, “Okay, that’s what happened, I can’t change anything, how do I handle this situation??” There are many ways not to be considered defeated.
You can take advantage of and take on courses and acquire new knowledge that will help you in the future, look for another new job and consider this opportunity as an experience to grow as a professional, you can do a thousand things instead of sitting and feeling defeated whining. Circumstances are what they are, but you can decide the way forward. You have the cards in your hand to play and now you have to think about how to win.
If changing strategy or pausing before continuing to insist may seem negative, the denial of reality is even worse (except as a defense strategy against an extreme emotional impact like the death of a loved one), it is an attitude that really tires, that is harmful and that makes you stumble several times with the same stone: stubbornly and without the slightest intention of learning.
It is true that reality can sometimes be very painful, however, refusing to accept it or feeling defeated will only turn your pain into suffering, won’t your complaints be heard, all these things, I don’t know why this happened to me? they will have no answer. Things happen, there is no need for an apparent reason, but you have the last word, the power to decide where to go.
You are not a victim, unless you want to believe it, in this case you will feed on recurring thoughts and immerse yourself in a vicious circle of negativity, we are talking about a tunnel with two unwanted outlets: depression and anxiety. They think they have more merit in choosing the most complicated option, but remember that the hardest path isn’t always the best solution.
“Accepting the facts is the first step to overcome the consequences of any misfortune. -William James-
So start accepting situations as a starting point to change them, think of them as opportunities to decide on a new path and learn from it, running away will never work and less refusing to take responsibility for the facts, on the contrary, accept them. , far from being a conviction, it is only the first step to winning.