The desire to increase self-control is a very common objective, the problem is that it is not usually enough to put all our will into it, sometimes what we lack is not interest, but an adequate methodology. We’ve found ways to make achieving this goal simpler and more effective, and one of them is to use our internal alarms.
Self-control is defined as the ability to modulate emotions and stay calm in stressful, hostile or emotional situations, some call it a ‘cold head’, but it is rather a ‘slow heart’.
- “Maturity controls desires and delays gratifications.
- If we do not get carried away by the first impulses.
- We will take control of our lives and enjoy true freedom.
- ?- Enrique Rojas-.
The process of increasing self-control is gradual, the transition from impulsivity to reflexivity does not occur overnight, it is a process of self-education that gradually progresses, that is, from one level to another, so it is essential to learn how to activate our internal alarms. Let’s take a closer look.
What stresses, irritates or distresses us most of the time is not so stressful, irritating or agonizing, we are the ones who give it these connotations, who give it this importance, from our perspective.
When we are not able to manage who we are and reality drowns us, what usually happens is that we interpret the world with anxiety.
That is precisely what worries are: an anxious way to get closer to reality, they are harrowing predictions about things to come that are useless.
Thus, the first of the internal alarms that we have to activate is the one that warns us of the presence of a concern. Now, what can we do in these cases?
Another key to increasing self-control is reacting in time to a stressful and irritating stimulus that we believe causes some discomfort. We need to isolate this stimulus. This means, above all, not reacting; and then walk away.
To do this, we need to identify exactly what is bothering us, for example, we can write the annoyance, then take it out of our lives and act as if nothing bothers us, as if we were actors and our role is to simulate tranquility. So would it be advantageous to look for something we like? Or at least be neutral. In this way, we would observe how our emotions are balanced.
Thus, the increase in self-control ranges from the awareness of not reacting impulsively to the ability to anticipate negative situations or effects. The advance levels are:
However, the most important thing in this whole process is to introduce these internal alarms that will help us stop the negative spiral of thoughts and emotions. Yes, without will, constant practice and ability to be aware, while avoiding pressure and understand that moment. is our best ally in these cases.