Some authors, such as psychologists Robert Sternberg and Walter Riso, theorize about the components of complete love in a relationship, agreeing that there are three: physical attraction, commitment, and closeness.
The appearance of either of these components is directly related to the type of connection between the two people, so love varies physically, mentally and emotionally.
- Although each author names the three components differently.
- They essentially refer to the same concept: Sternberg speaks of intimacy.
- Passion and commitment.
- While Walter Riso talks about Eros.
- Agape and Philia.
- Let’s go further.
“A complete, healthy and full love, which brings us closer to tranquility without suffering, requires a combination of three factors: desire (Eros), friendship (Philia) and tenderness (Agape) . – Walter Laugh-
Love cannot be forced. It begins with the attraction between two people, which requires a physical component, as well as similarity and proximity, if we are in love with someone and someone is with us, the natural tendency is to feel affection for that person and want to share time. with them.
To achieve this, it is necessary to have the same level of understanding, to be more like different, in some respects this happens sometimes, but sometimes it does not.
The greater the connection with the other person at different levels, the more likely the relationship is to last; at best, it allows the two members of the couple to grow together, to build a complete, healthy and satisfying love that usually takes place in three. levels: physical, emotional and intellectual.
Then we will see how these two theories explain the concept of love and its components.
According to the triangular theory of love of the psychologist Robert Sternberg, this emotion is alive and constantly evolving, it can be found in different forms or phases that can be explained as different combinations of three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment.
No matter how difficult each component may seem, all three are necessary to talk about complete love; however, there are other types of relationships that involve only a few, if not just one.
Moreover, it can be more difficult for Sternberg to maintain a complete love than to achieve it, and to achieve this he stresses the importance of translating the components of love into actions.
“Without expression, even the greatest love can die” – Robert Sternberg-
Does intimacy imply a desire to give, to receive, to share?It includes all those feelings that unscreo together, which make them want to spend time together and reveal personal or private things.
In general, it relates to all those feelings that promote the creation of a bond, which makes us trust each other helps us to open up and be ourselves.
The origin of intimacy occurs when we begin to show ourselves who we are, it depends both on the trust and acceptance of the other person, in general intimacy leads to a sense of happiness and a desire to promote the well-being of the person. someone else.
“It is the strongest love that can show its fragility” – Paulo Coelho-
Passion is the intense desire to be constantly with the other person. This results in a great sexual and romantic desire accompanied by psychological arousal. Passion is the “spark of the relationship” means feeling a physical attraction and a desire for the other person. Without passion, you really can’t talk about a romantic relationship in most cases: it would be more of a friendship.
Passion may be linked to intimacy, but it is not always so, it is in itself exciting, but it is not enough to build a lasting relationship of complete love, however, passion and sexual intimacy are fundamental in relationships.
“Passion is the fastest to develop and the fastest to disappear. Does intimacy develop more slowly and engagement more gradually?. – Robert Sternberg-
Commitment involves the decision to love the other person and keep that promise. It usually has to do with a long-term approach. In practice, this leads to sharing life projects and starting a family. That is, build a life project together.
Commitment translates into loyalty, loyalty and responsibility, it is the stabilizing component of sentimental relationships of full love. It can decrease or even disappear when the initial passion fades, stays or increases with intimacy.
According to Walter Riso, for a couple to enjoy a complete, rewarding and pleasant love, three factors must be combined: desire (Eros), tenderness (Agape) and friendship (Philia), each of these components is an important part of what he calls true love and plays a fundamental role in the emergence of physical attraction and its subsequent development in affinity.
“The combination of these three elements results in: Making love (Eros) with best friend (Philia) very tenderly (Agape)?- Walter laughs
Eros is the feeling of attraction to each other, sexual desire, possession, passion, passionate love. The most important element of this element is the self that sucks, desires, demands, desires. The other person, YOU, isn’t really a guy. It’s the most selfish aspect of love that translates as “I want to possess you,” “I love you for myself. “
The Eros component is confrontational and of double nature: it lifts us to heaven and lowers us to hell in an instant, it is love that hurts, the one that is linked to madness and the inability of self-control, but we cannot do without it. because desire is the vital energy of any relationship.
Eros also takes care of the idealization of the loved one, ignoring mistakes and being able to worship the other completely.
80% of a good relationship is not in Eros: you can’t have sex 24 hours a day, or every day of the week. -Walter laughs
In Philia the EU transcends to integrate the other as a subject, there is a union between the EU and YOU, although it is not complete, we understand Philia as friendship and friendship as a way of loving oneself through the love and admiration of friends. The central emotion is the joy of sharing, reciprocity, having fun with each other and being at peace.
“For a couple to function well, you not only have to ‘make love’, but also ‘make friends’, counter them and appreciate them. -Walter laughs
It’s about having projects in common with the person you love, making friends with joy, games and humor. Feel the joy of the other being, as with friends.
Loyalty is the main value of Philia. No it’s about thinking exactly like the other person: the idea is that differences can strengthen the relationship. Together we add, together we are more, making the most of the strengths and abilities of others.
Agape is selfless love, tenderness, delicacy, not violence, it is not the erotic SOI that destroys everything, nor the SOI and TU of friendly love, but the love of abandonment, without selfishness, is to take care of others, to feel their pain, seeking their good.
Agape is the element that loves the selfless. Without it, a long-term relationship doesn’t work, because thinking about the other person is critical. Insensitivity and excessive selfishness sooner or later create a lack of love.
“I don’t want to love you very much, but enough to be good, to settle in and disguise myself as eroticism. ” – Walter laughs
As we have seen, the realization of complete love requires the proper balance between these three elements, however, achieving this type of connection does not guarantee a good relationship, on the contrary, Sternberg argued that the key to loving happiness is that both partners feel in the same way.
The appropriate formula to have a good relationship is something that each couple must design, combining the appropriate doses of each component according to each moment and situation.
In any case, to feel a complete love, it will always be necessary to connect with the loved one physically, mentally and emotionally, this is achieved through physical attraction, the feeling that the other is a person with which you can count when you need it. , sharing values and projects with them and committing to make the relationship work.