Remember when you were a kid? Childhood is a wonderful time and that is why we often look back with nostalgia, it is the time when we discover the world and, at the same time, we feel the safety that adult care offers us.
In childhood and adolescence it is our parents or guardians who are responsible for protecting us, meeting our needs and, above all, making decisions for us. That’s why growing up is a bittersweet experience; the truth is that we lose comfort and security, but we gain something very precious: freedom.
No problem so serious that a little guilt can’t get worse
? Bill Watterson?
Over the years, we have gradually resumed our own lives and maturity appears, most immediately we work to meet our basic needs, but there are other aspects that we must also learn to take responsibility for: our emotional bonds. , for example, or our mental health.
It is in the way we manage this responsibility that lies the difference between growth and maturity, time passes relentlessly and we all grow, but the way we take responsibility for our emotions will determine whether, in addition to growing, we are also maturing. .
Making decisions involves feeling emotions related to fear of making mistakes and uncertainty; at the same time, sometimes we block ourselves and have a hard time choosing one shape or another.
But the truth is, we’re all going to make mistakes, because making mistakes is part of the learning process, remember when you were learning to add up at school?At first, doing math was very complicated and we made a lot of mistakes, but with practice, the sum became a basic skill.
Assuming we’re making mistakes involves a complex process of thinking and analyzing facts, so sometimes it’s easier to look for external reasons to justify our mistakes. This is where the blame game comes in. Often, when we encounter obstacles or have a problem, our minds struggle to find the culprits.
Even when we run into an inanimate object, we blame it for being halfway there. Has that ever happened to you? You walk distracted by the sidewalk and hit a toy that shouldn’t be there, injuring only the most painful part of your toes: your little finger. Without thinking twice, you hear yourself criticizing the “fuck toy. “
It’s natural, frustration seeks to blame
But what happens when the obstacle we encounter is something more important than a toy in the middle of the sidewalk? You may suddenly not be approved for a test you thought you were ready for, or you may not renew your employment contract, or you may have a hard time talking to your partner, or your father may get angry with you when you express his opinion.
If we don’t think, if we get carried away by emotions, guilt will be something that will appear neon in our minds. We can blame others, circumstances and even ourselves. But stop and think: does guilt help what?
When we hold others or ourselves accountable for what is happening, we focus on negative emotions and attitudes: anger and frustration overwhelm us, we feel sadness or resentment, but we do not move forward, ultimately we are more unhappy.
However, if we go through these negative emotions and move on to the other side, we will realize that in addition to the culprit, there is something much more useful: acting to help us change the situation. If we look for solutions, we will send the message that regardless of what has gone wrong, we can try to fix it and work on it.
Let’s try to be more parents of our future than children of our past
? Miguel de Unamuno?
You certainly remember a situation similar to this: something unfair happened to you, for example, you failed a test in which you thought you had done well, you feel bad about seeing the situation in your mind, complaining about the teacher or yourself. for the culprits.
He is paralyzed to think about what has happened, that the past belongs and that the past cannot be changed. Guilt stops us.
But if you change the chip and decide to do something about it: maybe ask for a review, maybe study the topics where you got bad grades, maybe ask for help, emotions change. Frustration becomes motivation. To mature is to learn to move from the first state to the second.
So the next time something goes wrong and you realize you’re looking for the culprits, think about what you can do to turn that page. Negative emotions are inevitable, but if we seek solutions rather than the culprits, at some point we will. realizing that we have left the situation behind and are moving towards our goals.