Zygmunt Bauman wrote about liquid love, showing that “relationships end as fast as they begin, people think they end up with a problem by cutting their ties, but what they really do is create problems in relation to problems. Yes, every relationship has problems” How hard it is to deal with a relationship!
My grandmother was married for almost thirty years and it was death that separated them, but TRENTE YEARS today is an eternity. The other day, at an event, I was interviewing people and a lady told me that she had been married for fifty years and that she had been going there for years. What did I do? Surprised face and I asked him:
- How do you do that? Oh.
- We’re going to take him.
- She responded without much enthusiasm.
- But you don’t fight.
- You don’t argue.
- Have you ever felt that things have become so complicated that you wanted to leave?We fight.
- He’s more nervous.
- Then he goes to the other room.
- Then he calms down.
- We talk and he leaves.
- But when you had kids.
- You didn’t get tired.
- Didn’t I push you away?I stayed.
- But life is like that.
- You have to raise children and talk.
- You can’t give up.
I think I thought I’d ask him about 50 more questions to show him the reasons for ending a relationship. My thinking is ridiculous. It only revealed the fragile way our generation viewed relationships.
Of course, relationships sometimes don’t work. It happens, it’s happened to me, too. The situation changes, the goals change (or become clear) and the paths are separated, at this point it takes discernment and wisdom to know that staying together can be even more painful than being separated. With children, property and everything else, it takes A lot to know what the right decision is.
But I think what we often lack is maturity, commitment, patience and empathy. Don’t I even say that love is lacking, because I’m sure love is usually too much?However, as I usually say, “loving is not enough. “
Every relationship has problems. Anyone who has experienced different relationships knows that problems are different (and often repeated), but each relationship has problems, especially after the beginning of common life.
I don’t think it’s the routine that spoils the relationship, the children, the work, the tiredness, the lack of money and all the other excuses we use to justify our incompetence to make it happen, I think it’s the lack of maturity, commitment, patience and empathy.
As the sensation matures, we realize that problems exist and are the most diverse, routine and mundane things, such as wet towel in bed or the inability of the other to wash dishes, in the most serious cases, how to manage unemployment. or serious family illness. It wears out, and a lot!
Middle-aged couples do not attack out of tiredness and wear, but join, albeit silently, by hand or resting their feet against each other when they can finally go to bed at night, to prove that they are there, side by side. the other, the other, no matter what.
Committed couples will climb walls in moments of anger, disagreement, differences of opinion, tastes, goals, but committed each other to being together, united, to support each other, and the idea that separation will resolve all conflicts is unimaginable to both. .
The outings are more easily found in this maze, which are usually romantic relationships when the two come together in search of them. Couples of patients don’t give up, they don’t burst into wounds, they don’t always have bandages to soften the bruises of the inconsiderate. impulse-driven actions.
Relationships always start immersed in expectations and in a honeymoon climate, everything is acceptable under this structure that hides real life, time, however, gradually reveals incompetence, lack of competition for certain household chores, limitations, imperfections, at that point relationships are broken. .
“You’re not as I imagined. ” Well, that’s what I imagined, he didn’t really see the other person.
“But it turned out to be different. ” It is true, sometimes one deceives oneseed, but what has been shown and now is no longer reason to end?Is it that, with love and patience, the two parties cannot learn together to take care of this delicate little plant that is love?empathy, I love that word, how many times do I have to talk?Do you put on my shoes?. Put yourself in each other’s place. Sounds easy, and it is. He just needs supplies. Anyway, a burst of jealousy, a complaint, a need, put yourself in the place of the other, look at what you see, feel what you feel, think with your head.
It never means accepting a bad thought. But understanding the other person’s motives can help him reason, discuss, and understand other people’s feelings. You can patiently find out what’s going on and how you can fix it.
But are our loves liquid? We break it and throw it away, we don’t send it to repair because it doesn’t pay, it doesn’t know that the next one will also break, it may last a little longer or a little less, but in use, it will break, fatally. And then the other, and the other, and the other?
Our loves are liquid. In such a busy routine, we want peace, but we seek war every time we turn our backs on our problems and flee from them by saying goodbye to relationships where there is love, but a total indisposition to maturity, to maintain that commitment with peace of mind. and patience, to put ourselves in each other’s place and think a little more about what we have.
My bice said, “You have to eat a bag of salt together. “Eat a tablespoon of pure salt and tell me how hard it is to eat a whole bag!
I (too) compare love to a very fragile and delicate flower. Everything for this must be to an exact and precise extent. Not too much, not too little, or dries, dies. It bothers to take care of such a little plant, but it makes such a beautiful flower, it has such a delicious aroma and makes our life so colorful, that although it is hard work, we are still looking for a seedling. have around. Above all, it takes patience to grow such a plant.
But are our loves liquid? Impatient, bigoted, resentful, passenger?
I think we live in a time of liquid love, yes, a lot of affection, little contact, a lot of ambition, little disposition, a lot of comfort, little coexistence, and I think almost no one wants to like it that way. Really.
So, maybe, you can fix what broke, which could break from time to time in an accident here and there. The relationship needs maintenance and doesn’t seem like a new life. Looks old, man? Refined.
Maybe you can turn the physical state of your liquid love into solid, rather than just letting it evaporate.