Life often brings us complicated setbacks, moments from which it is difficult to recover and resume the motivated routine. The loss of work, the death of a relative, a betrayal of the couple . . . All these adversities are, of course, negative things that none of us want to endure. Here is the important nuance that addresses the title: it is not the same to describe something bad and terrible.
Some people are used to running away from problems because they are too afraid to feel the emotional pain they cause.
- When we tell ourselves that something is terrible.
- We sow the seed of pain.
- Our interpretation of the facts is responsible for our suffering and well-being.
- The brain cannot distinguish.
- At first glance.
- What is negative.
- Neutral or positive.
- We have to tell you.
- So it’s up to us to be more or less precise when it comes to filtering out this external information.
If we work hard at it, we will likely find a way to change this destructive self-talk and begin cleaning the dirty lenses from our glasses. The objective is to make a more realistic analysis of the information that our mind uses, and in this way to be able to accept it.
Human beings are naturally afraid of change, losing stability, so a movement begins in their life that interprets as negative, destabilizes emotionally and to regain that stability can perform actions potentially harmful to themselves.
It’s hard to have common sense and be rational when misfortunes strike, but we should at least try.
When we think that what happened to us is terrible, we’re actually saying that this is the worst thing that could have happened to us, almost the end of the world, and that statement is simply not true. Everything that’s happened to us or has it ever happened?absolutely everything? It can be even worse. Nothing is 100% negative, not even death.
Dying, getting sick, disappointing are normal facts that life brings us all, and because they are natural, we have to make a mental effort to accept them and not oppose them. Pain and sadness are necessary processes, but you have to live them without calling them terrible. Is it good to ban this word and its synonyms?of our family vocabulary.
Therefore, it is the natural nature of the facts, both positive and negative, that does not make anything as terrible as we think.
Forgetting perfectionism, how things should be, what should or should not happen, it is essential not to dramatize and then to be able to face life with more optimism, but above all, with more acceptance. Embracing things as they come, but without giving in, or giving them up, is a powerful buffer of suffering.
If we already understand that nothing is as horrible as we usually talk about it, now we must learn to call things by name, for this a strategy used in psychology that can be very useful is the rational assessment of circumstances.
When facing an existential problem, take paper and pencil and draw a straight line. At the far left of this line, which will serve as a custom rule, you will write the word “wonderful”, and on the opposite side you will write “terrible”. Unsurprisingly, in the middle of the rule, you’ll write normal.
All right, between the wonderful, the normal and the terrible, there can be a multitude of valuations, as with any measurement rule, on the one hand, can we think that something is a little wrong, very bad, well, a little good?Etc. ?
Now write on paper what happened, but without exaggerating, judging or evaluating, you have to objectively write down what happened, as if it had been filmed by a camera.
For example, if you have been fired after ten years of work, what you should write is: “Professional dismissal”. Don’t feed it subjective ratings like, “After working so long for this company, I get fired and I don’t deserve it. “
The objective fact is that you’ve been fired from your job. Once you’ve written it on your paper, look at it and place it in a place of the ruler. You risk putting him in a bad position. Then make an effort to think about what other circumstances in life, whether they happen to you or not, can be even more negative than what you’re going through, that is, try to compare.
Although sometimes the comparison puts us on the defensive, we have to get away from our ego and realize that there is actually always someone worse than us.
Are there people who don’t have a hot plate of food?The answer to these questions is: yes, how would you rate the fact that someone can’t eat every day the way you eat?If you re-validate this as terrible, you need to move your previous dismissal rating: you’ll have to go from terrible to bad and listen.
And so, keep doing it until you realize you’ve overreacted to your assessment. If you start to feel calmer emotionally, you’ll have done the exercise properly.