There is nothing that bothers us more than reflecting on the faults of our parents, this leads us to reflect on the possibility that, throughout life, we have become bored of these defects or ways of being, and now we act in the same way, as if it were a family inheritance.
The discomfort caused by this similarity is such that we often do not know how to do so exhaustively. Moreover, this denial leads us to attribute to others this unacceptable feature to ourselves. This is known in psychoanalytic terms as projection or, according to the saying, “see the spot in each other’s eye and not capture it in the eye itself. “
- We tend to repeat patterns and family inheritance in our social relationships.
- As a couple and in our own family life.
- What we learn as we develop permeates us.
- And when we realize it.
- We can ask ourselves: am I really doomed to repeat the same mistakes of my family?.
Our family heritage goes beyond genetic studies, since we left the womb, and even before, we have been learning, we imitate what we see in our references: what do they do, how do they express themselves, how do they manage their own emotions?And we understand that this is our role model.
In fact, there is a stage of development in which the child cannot differentiate his own being from that of his caregivers. In later stages, the child will develop his?Me?And you will understand that you are an independent being of your attachment figures. Is this phase especially noticeable in adolescence, when it comes to affirming it?I? And reject any family inheritance.
Besides, these attachment figures aren’t just? A “model, and yes” model. The figures of the parents are fully idealized in early childhood, to the point that, according to psychoanalytic theories, there is a passion for parents, known as Oedipus or Electra complex.
Of course, you’re not doomed to repeat your family heritage, at least if that’s not what you want, all these models are imbued with our personality and, of course, many times we recognize them, but these aren’t the only models you have. ; their life experiences also provide a structure for the whole plot.
The new relationships you establish, whether as a couple, friendship or fraternity, mobilize and transform all these internal models of family heritage that you carry.
In this sense, we can see family heritage as a burden, but also as something valuable that we want to continue to maintain in our generation. There are many cases of family inheritance that have not only been followed, but improved.
An example is Anna Freud, daughter of the famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud, who made fundamental contributions to psychiatry with his theories on defense mechanisms. Anna Freud continued her father’s legacy and went further.
As we have seen, family inheritance implies the baggage and models of understanding the world that we learn from our attachment figures and that, therefore, have deeply affected us; However, this does not mean that we are predetermined to repeat what our family members have done if we do not agree.
One of the psychotherapies that most focuses on this point of view is that of family therapies, this form of work seeks to clarify your current family position and even previous generations, which will allow you to play an active role in these unconscious family patterns that repeat and cause pain.
In the end, we are the heirs of our family members, both the positive things and the legacy that makes us proud, as well as the one that causes us pain and paralyzes us, but we must not forget that it is up to us to improve this heritage. increasingly and conveying the best of us to the next generation.