I always saw her in the hallways of college. He tried to sit next to her in class to admire her beauty, her face expressing peace, serenity. His long black, wavy mane led him to an almost hypnotic state, his physical appearance was perfect. She was the kind of girl I’d always been looking for.
Occasionally glances were exchanged and one or the other, in those moments his voice trembled and I did not know what to say, I realized that I was in a very intense phase of passion, which he did not know However, that passion is in our minds.
- Patricia was the girl she had been waiting for for many years.
- And they were there.
- Sharing the same place every morning.
- When he met her.
- A delicious fragrance filled the mood and she was completely drunk.
- When they crossed paths and said “hello.
- ” their legs were shaking.
She imagined walking with her through the streets of the city, commenting on the most beautiful buildings, the strangest and everything they observed, sat on a bench, talked and laughed a lot.
Then they had lunch somewhere and continued to have fun, until the day they kissed and kissed. Every time I looked at her in college, all these thoughts came to her mind.
One day, having lunch with a friend in the college cafeteria, he sat next to him, how was that possible?He began to get very nervous, the girl of his life was before him. She was beautiful Everything in her was perfect. Her passion grew more and more and she was very afraid to disappoint her.
Since that day, they have shared the same table on other occasions, talked about many things and laughed, always ordered the dish of the day for lunch, she drank soda and he drank water, he liked salad better and he. He liked pasta. And for dessert, he ate a fruit and she a pudding. He looked her in the eye and pictured her on a paradise beach, sunbathing and swimming in crystal clear waters.
They looked more and more. Patricia also seemed to be looking for him, he had been in love with her for over a year and a half, one day they decided to meet out of college and have a coffee, it was very nice. They had slightly different tastes, but it didn’t matter; complemented each other in a wonderful way. He saw signs that seemed to show a special bond.
One winter afternoon, Patricia sat next to her in the university cafeteria.
I have to tell you something, he told her. At that moment, he began to tremble, the time had come.
? Of course, say it. ? he answered
Am I in love. I haven’t told you this before because I don’t like to talk about it, but I’m not sure what to do.
What’s the problem?He asked, wanting to hear the answer.
? Yes, am I paired? ? she answered
? Then? ? asked impatiently.
The boy’s not from here, he lives in another city, we’d see very little and the relationships at a distance are very difficult, or is that what they say?
At that moment, he stopped listening to what he was saying, plunged into a large dark well and turned off the light, stared at her and came to feel a rage she hadn’t felt in a long time.
Why had this boy and not him shown signs of interest!What was going on? It couldn’t be, it was him I had to love, not the other guy. He had loved her in secret for a long time, without being able to say anything, and now that he had her by his side, she was in love with someone else.
I didn’t want to listen anymore. I didn’t really want to see her again, her happiness had collapsed and she felt lost and disappointed, she was quite deceived, because a possible future relationship would make him happy, but there was no other option.
He loved her, but she loved someone else. Nothing made sense. He even thought she had had fun at her expense by giving her these false signs of interest.
A few months later, he met an old man while taking the bus home. The journey lasted an hour and a half and they had enough time to chat.
Speaking a little of everything, he remarked his great story of love and, despite his surprise, the man looked at him tenderly and said with a smile:
? The problem is, you weren’t in love with her
What am I sorry about?” he asked in disbelief? I’d loved him for over a year, how could he not be in love?
Can’t you love someone you don’t know, at least in a romantic sense?You were in love, yes, but not her, but of your expectations for her. Passion is not love, young friend, make no mistake. Is passion in our minds?
They remained silent for a few minutes. He did not quite understand what the man was trying to say, although he does not know what expression to adopt, this old man smiles as he looks out the window. The man turned to him and continued:
You see, this girl must have provoked some excitement in you with her physical appearance, and from there you started imagining a very happy life with her, it was nothing more than that, emotion and expectations, but you didn’t really?You know her very well. Gradually, you were increasingly idealizing it.
Besides, when you started getting to know her better, you chose the aspects you liked the most and exaggerated them even more, voluntarily avoiding those you loved the least, and that’s not all, you thought she had to make you happy, you left your happiness in her hands. And I’m sorry to tell you, young friend, that this is not love, it’s attachment. That’s why you were so disappointed. Love is real, love is true, in love no one is supposed to do anything for you, it is you who seek the happiness of the other person.
Did you want to interpret your signs as gestures of passion for you, because that’s what you wanted to see, the old man went on. You were the director, screenwriter and actor of the film you imagined in your head, the truth is that you believed and distorted reality, but don’t worry. This happens to all of us and we tend to fall into these traps. If you really have love for her, you want me to be happy, with you or with another guy, it doesn’t matter. Next time, ask yourself if you really fall in love with your thoughts and expectations for someone or if you feel faithful love.
“Will I tell you something?” added the man, as José Ortega y Gasset said: “One of the most characteristic qualities of passion is to aim at the consciousness of the beloved, to the extent that it limits, or even prevents, the proper use of reasoning, the mental concentration necessary in the performance of various cognitive tasks?
What a line, huh? It took you a while to learn it, but it shocked you so much that you couldn’t forget it, and now it will work for you too.
The bus ride is over. He said goodbye to the old man. He came home, greeted his parents and lay down on the couch. He thought of everything the man had said. Information that at first glance may seem crazy, but which, analyzed with some objectivity, seems quite correct.
In fact, Patracia never loved him, it had all been his imagination. He still remembers the phrase the man uttered before saying goodbye: “If you really love someone, give them good luck, give them good luck, happiness, don’t look at someone. what that person can do for you, but what can you do for him. If you come to suffer, help her. That’s loving, helping others, making them happy. And if that person also has a true love for you, I guarantee you’ll have the cutest romantic relationship that can exist.
Everything made sense to him. He began to read about love and passion and discovered an interesting article by Chiliz and Gomez (2002) that states that attractive people have advantages over those who are not, so that we look at them and fall in love with them, for the simple reason that they are attractive, we usually attribute desirable characteristics to them and, in this way , receive a more cordial treatment.
Thus, between the words of this old man and everything he read, he has become increasingly convinced that passion is in our minds, so we must be careful with the expectations that we generate ourselves.
From this experience, every time he met a girl and began to have great emotional activation, his mind sent as an arrow the warning that passion was in our minds, and that it would resonate in her head for a long time. our minds, passion is in our minds
“To think that passion is in our minds may seem painful and unreal, but if we look at it with a magnifying glass of reason, we will see how capable we are of making mistakes without being aware of it.