Emotional dependence is transmitted by a very intense and undeveloped attachment to a specific person, it is usually the couple who usually become startled and idealized, believing that without their existence happiness would be impossible; on the other hand, there are a number of excuses that prolong emotional dependence, making the person undo it.
The dependent has in him a series of fundamental patterns or beliefs that carry with him the fear or refusal to be alone or the conviction that it is necessary to trust others, that not only can nothing be done, but decisions have to be made. the others.
By having these beliefs, emotionally dependent people consider themselves very weak.
They underestimate their own abilities and need to trust others, this need to be with someone else or have a partner leads them to find someone who fills that void from which fear of loneliness emanates.
The couple may disrespect us, be unfaithful or treat us badly, but even if sometimes we want to break this pattern, we cannot let go, we know that we are suffering and we would like our life to flow through another stream, but it seems impossible to stop the damage and start healing the wound.
In that sense, there is a cognitive dissonance between what I have to do for my own good and what I actually do.
You know you have to go; however, he stays every day. This is where excuses that prolong emotional dependence arise, such as verbalizations to make mistakes and thus continue to cling to the person who harms us or to a toxic relationship.
As for emotional dependence, the excuses for not leaving the situation can be both dependents, in this sense it has been found that there are certain harmful verbalizations that are introduced into their internal dialogue or even shared with them. others would be:
This excuse is a classic. To reject the idea that the person next to us is not right, we think it will change, but why should this person change?How are you sure this will really change?If you haven’t already, what stimulus will change you?
So, instead of turning your back on reality, it’s better to assume that this person probably isn’t going to change and that we have two options: accept it as it is, which, if we suffer, is not a good choice?Or break the relationship that unies us, even if it means going through a grieving process.
We must bear in mind that people are who they are and, unless they decide to change their behavior or shape their way of being, change will not happen by magic.
Love is often thought to be a reason that legitimizes everything, do we say that love can do anything?And, according to this idea, the dependent begins to adapt to what he is suffering. No matter if someone manipulates, disrespects him, the person continues to suffer because he understands it’s a show of love.
Of course, all couples have good times and a few fewer, the idea is to consider the extent to which bad times outweigh in frequency and intensity those in which the couple seems to function well, if they clearly notice that contempt, discussions and toxicity prevails at positive times, you have to look to the horizon and wonder what they really want to shoot him.
This is the perfect excuse that anyone with an emotional addiction would say for not making the decision to end the relationship. Our desire for things to be different holds us back in the illusion that the future will be better; so I can’t get away with it because I’m going to lose that future. If you realize it, it’s just a fiction that creates our brains to avoid having to go through a grieving process.
If your partner hasn’t made any changes yet, if everything stays the same, if you’ve tried everything for years, you can’t be wrong to quit.
There is no perfect time, nor is there the perfect way to communicate with our partner, the key is to act as quickly as possible: we have already seen that there is a problem that cannot be solved alone.
There are many possible occasions to take this step forward, but since it’s a conversation we don’t want to have, we postpone it with excuses. “Is it our birthday?” is your father sick?” is Christmas. coming. “
Ask yourself if these excuses are really reasons to postpone your desire to communicate something or if what keeps you in the relationship is fear.
Getting rid of excuses that prolong emotional dependence is not easy; in a way, that’s why we’re talking about “addiction. “On the other hand, certain factors position us as good candidates to shape that relationship, and one of the most important is self-esteem.
The person looks in the mirror and does not identify the reasons why someone wants to have a relationship with them, then you see the relationship as a fortune, some kind of luck ?, you should try to keep it paying a very high price.
On the other hand, he also has moments of lucidity when he is aware that it is the same relationship that he clings to as what hurts him, it is in those moments that excuses appear that prolong emotional dependence, so it is so necessary to remove them from our internal dialogue.
In emotional dependence, there is someone who is on one pedestal and the other pays homage to him from below, because he really believes he is inferior.