If you’ve been embroiled in a voracious whirlwind of a toxic romantic relationship, you’ll definitely understand what we’ll cover in this article. First, let’s try to define what a toxic relationship is and what it means in the lives of those who are experiencing it.
Clearly, toxic relationships not only show the power of a romantic relationship, but can also exist in relationships with a family member or friend. In this article, we will limit the siege and reduce it to toxic romantic relationships.
“Knowing how to win without losing and knowing how to lose by winning yourself. -Joan Garriga-
It is the kind of union that we have with someone and from which we cannot leave, it is a very strong, intense and at the same time destructive union, we got lost in it. We become someone we’re not. We try morbidly to be there even when that means suffering the greatest damage and, worse, the loss of our self-esteem.
Logically, the reason we are involved is because there is a lot of compensation, or at least because it has something that we do not want to give up, a compensation powerful enough that the bonds of the relationship do not break, but if we could look at it from the perspective that allows us to see the forest in its entirety, we could conclude that the toxicity that this relationship entails in our own lives deserves to be modified or terminated.
Behind such relationships lies the same mechanism that underpins dependence. That’s why it’s so hard to get out of it, and the more of our lives we invest in this relationship, the harder it will be to get out of it. However, it is possible and rewarding to get out of it, as well as to be able to leave an addiction like cigarettes or cocaine.
In general, we blame our own partner: “It’s toxic!It’s toxic, it’s not like that!” I’ve already given you many opportunities and I can’t change, I don’t know what else to do. “Is it impossible? Perhaps the healthiest, most beneficial and most loving option for you is to end this relationship. Do not insist on reviving a relationship that no longer beats, a heart that no longer sends blood with oxygen.
Popular wisdom has already said, “Don’t expect the impossible. “We can’t want someone to be what they’re not. How long will we lose with this effort so damaging to our own minds?How many opportunities do you need to understand?”Maybe you have to wait longer, need more time?
And in the meantime, along the way, we split up. We’re losing. We stopped loving each other. We offer our lives to this kind of parenthesis in which the other undoes its knots, and until it undoes them, we have not given up our task. And what do we deserve?
So leaving a relationship of this caliber has superhuman merit. First, because we recognize that we have no power over each other (a widespread belief among many people: “Will it change with me?”).
Secondly, because he realizes the amount of effort that was wasted on an impossible mission and makes it an effort to love and take well enough not to fall back into a doomed relationship (personal and couple).
We can’t spend our lives blaming ourselves for being who we are when we choose that person all the time as a couple (we’re talking about a toxic relationship, not a healthy relationship that, like everyone else, has its shadows and lights). .
“If they are all blamed, there will be no guilt. Antonio Porchia-
We are talking about taking responsibility for our decisions and choices, if we know that a person is harming our health, we must turn away from that person, like a child who knows that he is allergic to peanuts, because when he eats, he feels bad.
In a toxic relationship, it’s similar. But sometimes we have our own radar, our inner guide, so atrophy that we are unable to see beyond the passion and mystical side of this love. The kid looks bad, but what about us? We must listen carefully and become aware of the situations in which we fall to achieve the damage.
Because I am aware of my share of responsibility and choose to move away from what hurts me, I gain more power over myself. I give a little more of this power I gave the other. I’m finally recovering. I choose myself.
Image courtesy of Sara Herranz.