How do you react to a friend, sister, or close person who is about to have a panic attack?Is it common enough to recommend that the person calm down?And don’t worry. However, avoid telling someone anxious not to worry.
In fact, can the effect of these words be exactly the opposite of what we expect?Even if we do it with all the good intentions of the world.
- For starters.
- Anxiety is not something a person can control.
- So much so that the anxious brain works differently.
- There is no “start and stop button”.
- The mechanism is more subtle.
- So what we’ve done with our recommendations is generate more pressure and increase discomfort.
Albert Ellis, in his book You Can Be Happy, says that anxiety creates mis-place mental distress, it is an intense and devastating thing that completely limits human potential.
However, an interesting aspect that arises is that the first step in handling it is not to block it, but to accept its presence. Emotional pain is another part of who we are, and no one is free from suffering.
So when we’re next to someone who suffers from anxiety, we should avoid phrases like “relax, don’t be so obsessed, stop worrying, what happens to you is alone in your mind. “
With these phrases we will block communication, preventing the other from realizing what is happening to him.
“The intensity of the distress is proportional to the sense of the situation for the affected person, even if they do not know the reasons for their anxiety. “Karen Horney?
An anxious person would like to calm down. If there’s one thing you’d really like is to stop feeling that stomach pain, muscle tension, tachycardia and the sound of disturbed thoughts, so hard to control.
Also, when someone goes through this psychological reality, they often feel like they’re about to have a heart attack or lose control altogether.
So telling someone anxious not to worry is like telling someone who’s drowning out of the water. You can’t help it and, in fact, you need more valuable help.
There is also another aspect to keep in mind: anxiety usually appears without warning, many times it is not even necessary to deal with a more or less stressful situation, such as a conference, a job interview, a doctor’s appointment, etc.
The demon of anxiety arises in the most innocent and unsuspected situations: talking on the mobile, at a dinner with friends, when we go to the bathroom of our work or college or even when we leave home to go to work.
In these anxiety situations it is common for someone close to you to insist that there is nothing to worry about, because nothing will happen, because everything is in us, these comments only make the situation worse.
Avoid telling someone anxious not to worry, or even asking them to relax and live life more peacefully.
Don’t do either of these two things for a simple reason: the anxious brain doesn’t respond, it’s alert, and it’s incapable of processing orders, suggestions, and well-meaning words, and if you do, you’ll see our advice as useless. because if there’s one thing you’re really waiting for, it’s empathy.
Sometimes it’s better not to say anything. Just be fair, stay close and let the person know that we are by your side for whatever you need, there will be time to look for proper strategies, but there are times when it is better to be a beacon of light, a balance fortress against those facing their tides, crises and storms.
On the other hand, what studies indicate, such as those carried out in the department of psychopharmacology at the University of the Route de Ronde in Paris, is that the brain of the anxious person is a slave to substances such as cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine. .
It is very difficult to think clearly about these states, so advice is of little use in these circumstances.
If we ask ourselves what to say to an anxious person, the answer is simple: instead of saying, do it, instead of resorting to advice, unfortunate but well-meaning prayers, you just have to look, be around and try to understand what the other is going through.
First, understand that there are many types of anxiety and that what may be good for someone may not be right for the person next to you.
So the best thing you can do is ask questions like, “How can I help you?”Or “I know you’re distraught right now and you can’t control yourself, so let’s take a deep breath together. “Sometimes it is enough to be a close, serene and reassuring presence.
Later we can help your loved one seek specialized help, but for now it’s better to know how to be around, to give them love and empathy, it’s easier than it seems.