There’s no better attraction than feeling good about yourself. There is no better satisfaction than that obtained after navigating the waters of self-known to discover values, strengths and needs. Only then do we make the best decisions, those with which we feel free, realized and endowed with the special beauty that makes us unique.
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us in one of his books that there is no one more beautiful than the one who always acts in relation to his interior.
- This person who does not seek to be accepted by others.
- But validated and welcomed by his own heart.
- By the very essence that defines us.
- However.
- It is almost certain to say that many people look in the mirror every day without encountering each other.
It’s almost like a strange spell. We appreciate each other only when others validate us, when others give us a positive reinforcement with their words, gestures, comments and thanks, if this does not happen very often we fall into the abyss of invisibility, non-presence, self-esteem. that gradually collapses.
On the other hand, the Korean philosopher Byung-Chul Han demonstrates in his work that we are “burning” in the hell of similarity. In his book “Expulsion of the Different,” he invites us to reflect on this idea. We lose the ability to value the uniqueness of each, which makes us unique and exceptional, the brand of identity that we must preserve before satisfying others. Wishes.
“Believing, from the bottom of our hearts, that what we are is enough is the secret of a more fulfilling and balanced life. -Ellen Sue Stern-
Being able to feel good about yourself takes time, but when you get there everything changes and the same burden seems to weigh less, the weights of conventionalism are left behind, as well as the chains that we often put in our minds, hearts and feet to try to get along with everyone, so as not to disappoint, to be exactly as others expected.
When you reach that peak of personal development, which Maslow called self-realization, the world looks different, there is a greater perspective to understand things, as well as an inner calm with which we can move in our reality more precisely. , resolution and freedom. In the eyes of others, all these virtues are undoubtedly as attractive as they are desirable.
However, and going back to Byung-Chul Han’s theories, there is one aspect that we must take into account. Sometimes we see ourselves as fully realized people, we believe that we have everything because we have managed to climb to the golden summit that the company itself has presented to us. Sooner or later, however, we will realize one small aspect: we are not located at this summit, but in an abyss.
Our consumer society and even our education guide us towards a material and alienated success that has nothing to do with our personal development, after all, to feel good about yourself you have to conquer other territories, other scenarios that are more invisible and for which you do not always have the best tools.
We speak, of course, of dimensions such as self-care, self-esteem, self-love, self-affirmation, the capacity for conquest, emotional independence, etc.
According to a study by Ulrich Orth and Ruth Yasemin Erol of the University of Berlin, people reach higher levels of self-esteem at an older age, around age 60. Why haven’t we reached this dimension before?Why, during our maturity of youth and adulthood, have we not developed this essential part of our personal development?
There are certainly many factors. However, in addition to the aspects that limit us and can prevent us from get along, we need to make changes, be proactive in working with this exceptional psychological tendon which is self-esteem and self-realization, so let’s look at these three steps.
The style of attribution has to do with how we relate our accomplishments and failures lived, when I get something, is it because other people have helped me or because I have tried hard enough ? we need to take care of our reality and, for that, You must recognize our values, our skills and our capabilities.
Every success or mistake depends only on the person himself, so one way to get along with ourselves is to be able to recognize what we are worth, what we can achieve, where our strengths are and also our limits.
Our world is inhabited by hundreds, thousands of voices, the voices of our family, our teachers, bosses, colleagues, friends, partners, social media voices, fashion, the voices of supposed experts and gurus of politics, personal growth, etc. are present.
Among all these sounds, there is one that is often cut off: our own voice, so let’s devote some of our energy to silencing all this ambient noise from time to time and listening, understanding our real needs.
So, to feel good about yourself, follow your passions, don’t get carried away by other people’s tastes or advice, surrender to your own identity and make your preferences, identity and essence your way of life.
If we orient our daily lives towards this journey that begins with ourselves, we will not only feel more satisfied, but also more realized in all aspects.
People with that kind of courage, with that ability to make their way without worrying about what others think, are always more attractive, because there is no beauty more dazzling than that of those who set aside conventionalism and follow its essence at all times and in all circumstances.