I want to tell you that before I leave you, I must surrender to myself; I know all the corners and nooks and crannies and enter the quietest and darkest areas of my soul. I want to know every one of my secrets, find out what’s good for me and what’s bad for me, and investigate why. I need to know how to say “I love myself. “
I need to know what my injuries are and exactly what exactly is causing them to bleed again. Know my strengths and know what defines me most, what is my brand, my strength?because when the right time comes, to introduce you to my smile. I’d rather love myself first so I can love you healthily. And if you still have doubts, don’t worry, when you finish reading this letter, you’ll understand everything I’m telling you.
- I began to realize the importance of loving myself when I forgot to do so.
- Just when I wasn’t well and begged the love of others to feel better.
My false well-being depended on the approval of others and their mood, if they praised me I was happy, but when they criticized me and despised me I considered myself a loser, without realizing I handed over the keys to my well-being to anyone, forgetting myself.
So much so that I ended up being the person that others wanted and that for me he was a complete stranger, I didn’t even know what I liked, where I wanted to go or what my dreams were, that’s all others said. I refused myself the opportunity to meet myself, although I didn’t even know it was possible.
One day I exploded, alone, but it happened. At first I did not know what was happening to me, I felt uncomfortable and was crying, but over time I realized that it was a cry for help for me, from then on I began to realize that I could not be someone half Dependent From what others would think, I was tired of being someone who was not meant to be liked by others and little by little I began to know and love myself.
Suddenly I realized that I could be more independent than I imagined, that my opinion was valid and that my eyes were beautiful, I loved realizing that I knew how to act without others giving me their approval (although it cost me the departure of some people?).
He loved me, I wondered what it was like and if the day was cloudy, I made plans for when the sun was shining, I no longer needed others to tell me how much it was worth, because I, independently, could recognize my worth; if I was criticized or if I didn’t know how to do something, I had no doubts about my abilities.
I learned to love my flaws and try to improve them, to value my achievements and abilities, so I abandoned the obsessive idea of being perfect for everyone Now I like my imperfections because otherwise it would be like amputating a part of me?
I love myself for showing myself real in front of you and not pretending to be someone I’m not.
Surely you will wonder what you have to do with the fact that I love myself first in order to love you, however, you need to know what our relationship would be like when even I didn’t know anything about me.
If I did not love myself, I would place on your shoulders the obligation to remember who I am and to constantly erase my doubts about your love and suspicions, you would be responsible for how I feel or, at least, how I would perceive and act according to my insecurity. You’d have to save me every time my insecurities come out to question my worth.
It wouldn’t be a healthy love, but a relationship to try to heal my wounds, of course when I don’t feel good I need your warmth and your arms as a refuge, but you’re not responsible for reminding me every day. who I am and what I’m worth to feel good. This task is mine.
You are not to blame for the ghosts of my past, so I need time to love myself, to know my fears and vulnerabilities and not drag them to the point of damaging our relationship, you do not have to save me or save me from my emptiness, you are not my savior.
I love myself for giving my best and not blaming you for my discomfort, I love myself because my goal is to grow with you.
I want to share my life with you through trust and understanding, to create a love that is far from necessary and that continues to grow over time, so before I love you, I love myself. Because I don’t want to get lost in a relationship, but I want to get lost with you.
Image courtesy of Clare Elsaesser.