There is a moment in life when we seek love as if it were the “Holy Grail of Happiness“. However, with time and experience, we realize that, on many occasions, being understood is much more comforting than being loved. we can focus on your desire to love each other, but in the end, wanting to be understood ends up gaining ground or at least balancing the balance.
For people, the feeling that the other can understand their thoughts and feelings is fundamental, if we don’t realize it or can’t perceive that others understand us, it’s easy to end up thinking that those who say they love us really love someone who isn’t. That is why it is so important that this desire to be understood is greatly satisfied.
“Life is the first gift, love, the second, and understanding, the third. “Marge Piercy.
Feeling that others do not know us and do not understand us can make us grow another feeling, that of feeling very distant from others, as if we were speaking in another language. When we feel that those who love us do not know us, we feel alone, isolated.
Can a person really feel loved when they don’t feel understood?This question is for all kinds of relationships, from family to friendships, not to mention romantic relationships.
I want you to understand me because, if you don’t understand me, how are you going to nurture that love?
Feeling that others understand what we say, do and feel is essential to achieve a lasting sense of safety and well-being at all stages of our lives, for various reasons.
When you feel that the other does not understand you, the connection weakens, makes us feel alone, disconnected, isolated, knowing that we are understood by those who love us makes us feel part of the world, validated.
When those who love us understand us, we are overcorated by the feeling that this love, in a way, is sincere, this confirms our identity. Feeling understood makes us feel precious, in this sense feeling understood connects us with others, however, the opposite makes us feel alone and distant from those around us, moreover, when we feel understood, we can also understand each other better, because in this case, others can help us.
“The unconscious fear that always seems to be hidden is that, deep down, if you don’t understand us, it’s as if we never existed. ” – Michael Schreiner-
The study entitled “The Neural Bases of Feeling Understood and Not Understood?”(Social and affective cognitive neuroscience, 2014), shows how a sense of understanding increases well-being, both personal and social; however, few studies have analyzed the neurological fundamentals of this “feeling included”. This study addressed these gaps, experimentally inducing understanding and lack of understanding of feelings when participants underwent MRIs.
The results showed that each feeling caused different activations in areas related to reward and social bonding, so neural responses were related to feelings of connection and social disconnection, and were shaped by individual differences in sensitivity to rejection.
Does the sense of understanding make individuals feel valued, respected, and validated?And it leads to significant changes in emotional experience and feelings of social connection.
Remember that you have part of the responsibility, the ability to influence, to make yourself understood. Before blaming others, ask yourself if there is anything else you can do to get your message across so that others can get a clearer idea of how you feel.
On the other hand, it is often necessary that we understand each other first before we want others to understand us, in one way or another, patience and emotional intelligence will help us manage the situation, preventing sadness from dominating us, fueled by loneliness. emanating from every feeling of incomprehension.
Love yourself to be loved, understand yourself to be understood.