Has it ever happened to you? Fall in love with someone who shouldn’t live impossible loves? Either because he was already engaged to someone else, because of a large age difference, because he was not reciprocal, etc. , for some reason, has it been classified as impossible?
If this has already happened, know that this is normal, because the inaccessible is usually attractive, especially in adolescence: the typical student who falls in love with the teacher. The problem is when we always fall in love with impossible people. We don’t talk about bad luck anymore, but unconsciously, we’re looking for her.
- Ghost love: it’s about idealizing a person.
- Attributing to them the characteristics we’ve always dreamed of.
- It’s called ghost because.
- In reality.
- That person is not what we think.
- We’re wrong and we think it’s exactly how we’d like them to be and that we fall in love with something that doesn’t exist.
In terms of psychoanalytic psychology, it is also called “analytic love”, which means that we choose to love someone concrete because it has the characteristics of someone very influential in childhood, who met our needs.
In this case, when the person realizes that the beloved was not really what he thought, he will be disenchanted and disappointed, then he will put his feet on the ground, stop idealizing and see the defects of the person who, at first, did not see him by idealizing blindness.
2. Narcissistic love: when looking for someone like us or with the characteristics you would like to achieve, it is like a kind of exaggerated selfishness, in which we believe that we are the best and want to find someone like it.
These people are always looking for the perfect person and no one ever looks good enough for them, finding someone like that is very complicated, because we are unique beings, so those who seek this type of love do not usually find it.
3. Difficult love: it is the one that is very difficult to achieve, for example: a teacher and a student, a significant age difference, a gay and a heterosexual, a patient and a doctor, married or committed people, etc.
Normally this type of love is attractive because it is difficult, but if it is possible to achieve it can lose interest, since it is usually a temporary physical attraction, let’s say more exciting than emotional.
These three types of love would be classified as Impossible?because they tend to generate conflicts. The first because by idealizing the other person, sooner or later we will be disappointed when we realize that it is not how we imagine it; the second because we will never find anyone like us; and the third because it is very difficult to achieve and, if possible, would rarely work in the long term.
According to psychoanalytic psychology, when one falls in love with the impossible is for an unresolved Oedipus complex, in the early years of childhood we fell in love with our father or mother, although we know that this is not correct and Depending on how this was resolved and the treatment that our parents gave us in this situation, we can stay in the situation forever. Falling in love with people, we shouldn’t.
First, we must ask ourselves: why are we attracted to inaccessible people? I’m afraid to get engaged, and if I focus on impossible loves, don’t I have to go through that?For some people to enter romantic intimacy presupposes stress, fear and danger; thus, they focus on the impossible, enjoy an idyllic love and, since they cannot be made, feel safe in their comfort zone.
Another question to look for the root of the problem might be: “Am I looking to compensate for a child’s deficiency?For example, if we had an authoritarian mother, who valued us little, we would subconsciously look at someone who was unattainable to us. “Relive this stage of childhood and get, this time, attention or something we lacked.
The key is to find the answer to why we don’t focus on more accessible people. The main reason is usually the fact that we are not prepared to enter into a romantic relationship, because of insecurities and fears, because relationships together are not a problem. bed of roses, but we have a high degree of commitment and responsibility. Falling in love, then, with impossible people, we appreciate feelings, we release adrenaline, we dream, we are happy to make a mistake for a while, but, deep down, It would be scary for us to be reciprocal, because idyllic love is very beautiful, but facing reality is scary.
If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves, they’re not ready to be with someone else. These internal conflicts are often the reason why many people unconsciously always get lost in bonds of love that cannot be made.
Who does not know someone who has never had a stable partner and who lives illusions and impossible idealizations? If we think about it and analyze it, we will surely discover that this person has personal problems.
Ideally, self-esteem and self-ception should work. Once we feel good about ourselves, we will love and accept, even with our flaws, we will be ready to embark on a relationship of two and, surely, better. choose the possible candidates with which to share our lives.
Image courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photograph.