Excessive behavior is usually a sign of difficulty, one of the resources used by the unconscious is precisely to exaggerate behavior to hide some latent problems, so although being very generous can be considered a virtue, sometimes it is not. .
When a person is very generous, it is very common for him to expect compensation in return, even if he refuses to do so; on the other hand, it is possible that this desire to serve others may be a mechanism for exercising control over the behavior of others.
- Another sign that can be revealing appears when someone is very generous and.
- At the same time.
- Complains about what he is.
- The person expresses that he is constantly disappointed.
- Because others do not act like him or do not thank him enough for his dedication.
Thus, exaggerated generosity can essentially be a form of manipulation.
“Generosity needs no reward, it pays itself. “-Hippolite of Livry-
Is he a very generous person when he is able to overcome his own needs and desires?What does a sacrifice entail? To satisfy the other. Or when you live to help or save others and you’re probably not able to recognize what you need to be helped with or satisfied.
This characteristic is also present in people who do not give up at any time to play the role of “saviors”.
Subject matter experts say that this compulsive desire to help or save can hide a strong need for affection, behavior very common in people who have received little affection during childhood or who have been raised as dependents.
One way or another, being very generous is usually a strategy to “buy” the affection and acceptance of others. Therefore, when a person does not receive an equivalent response, they are disappointed and even think that they have been ignored. That’s why he also complains about what he is.
Very generous people are rarely aware of the true motivations of their willingness to help; in their hearts, they feel they really care about others and want them to be okay.
They know how to detect pain or discomfort in others and suffer when they see them suffer. The problem lies in two aspects. The first is that all the benevolence and interest they profess for others rarely do it for themselves.
The second problem is that they want to condition the behavior of others, receive attention, gratitude or social recognition for the work they have done.
For the same reason, it is common for very generous people to also feel empowered to control the lives of those they help. Claim the right to decide that you owe what you have done for others as debt.
Before we can be generous to others, we must learn to be generous to ourselves, this is a necessary aspect to strike a balance between protecting the interests of others and our own, so it is positive that sacrifices for others are sensitive to one’s own. needs or limitations.
On the other hand, it is also positive to explore the motivations that lead us to help others, as we have already said, this analysis can sometimes help us identify our own needs, needs to which we must respond in a healthier and less manipulative way. .
The need to feel necessary often leads to codependence bonds that are not good for any of the people involved. The best way to help someone is to create the conditions for them to be put in a position of independence.
It is essential to help others to be stronger and not to continue to need what we cannot give.