Breaking down barriers and blocking experiences is one of the most common strategies we use to avoid the discomfort that certain experiences generate for us. The modern human spirit has evolved, rather than to make us feel good, to help us survive the dangers.
One hundred thousand years ago, the basic needs of people were food, shelter and ability to reproduction, but of course none of this makes much sense if we died, so the priority of our brain was to look for what could harm us and prevent it from approaching.
- In psychology.
- This is called negative reinforcement.
- It is a phenomenon that explains why avoiding unpleasant or dangerous consequences is a behavior that has stayed in our repertoire.
He who does not risk does not suffer or lose, but he does not win, so we find ourselves stuck in time, settle and learn to adapt trying to avoid the inevitable, fear.
For example, we tend to block experiences out of fear of suffering, ignoring the possibility that this fear we are trying to hide so much looks for alternative ways to manifest.
This does not mean that we reject fear, as it is a basic emotion that helps us identify and respond to threats, we assume that if we want to live a full life, we must accept fear in our range of emotions.
In this sense, a very common fear is the fear of pain; this fear leads us to avoid painful situations. What happens is that our minds are not always good at separating what creates our own imagination from what happens in reality.
Despite this, the good news is that we can improve in this direction through cognitive training.
“At the frontiers of fear, passports of wills. ” Rachel Beck
Russ Harris, in his book “The Happiness Trap”, explains, based on the theory of acceptance and commitment, how we try to control our emotions and the illusion of control in which we can fall down the road. Thoughts, emotions and physical sensations have much more power than we think.
Some people tend to block out experiences that cause discomfort because it generates painful memories, creating a good dose of anxiety to live on the road. However, this solution only acts as a dressing and not as an effective form of adaptation.
It can help us at some point, as can denial, but as a systematic and stable strategy over time, it is subject to suffering (yes, that suffering that was meant to be avoided).
“What looks outward dreams, what looks inward awakens. “- Carl Gustav Jung-
On the one hand, we have escape strategies, which lead us to escape or protect ourselves from certain private events.
On the other hand, we have control strategies that involve fighting private events and trying to dominate them.
A common job in psychotherapy is to become aware of the use of these strategies and look for other, more appropriate ways to deal with our emotions, thoughts and physical sensations.
“There are pains that kill, but there are crueler pains, those that leave our lives without allowing us to feel them. ” – Antonie L. Apollinarie Fairy-
To a greater or lesser extent, we all use control methods to manage discomfort. The problem is not its use, but abuse or misuse.
An example of this occurs when we use these methods at times when they do not work or when their use incorrectly manipulates our priority scale.
But does that always happen? We must make it clear that this level of control will depend on the type of experience we live at all times and how important the experience is to us.
When our thoughts are less intense, we can use more control than when they are disturbing. Similarly, we have greater control when we tend to block experiences that are not very important to us.
It is recommended to impose healthy limits on our inner world to improve its management, in this sense it is very important to work self-knowledge.
In addition, a psychological aspect that can help us build a meaningful life is learning to live what life offers us without constantly evaluating and judging, adopting an attitude of acceptance.