Often you don’t need to make a big mistake to lose or get away from what we love and want most. Often, only the fear we feel of losing what we love or need makes us unintentionally destroy what we want.
It sounds ironic, but yes: it is very common that after much work to achieve a certain goal or after a great battle to overcome a disease or a partner crisis, we succumb, this situation is much more real and close than one can imagine. In the following paragraphs we will talk about the biological and psychological reasons of this phenomenon, and finally we will try to find an answer to how to combat it by cultivating positive emotions where fear now lives.
- Fear is one of the six basic emotions that we have: fear.
- Joy.
- Sadness.
- Anger.
- Disgust and surprise.
- It is said that these emotions are basic because they can be clearly identified in all the cultures studied so far.
- In addition because they allow us to adapt to the environment around us.
How does fear help us? All emotions play a crucial role in pushing or moving away from a goal, joy, for example, helps us connect with others and this, in turn, improves our social adaptation and, therefore, our own health. On the other hand, the role of fear is to “avoid a greater evil. “or bravely face what frightens us and therefore necessary in our daily lives.
Fear arises as a result of a negative or threatening assessment of a situation, i. e. the danger is not necessarily real, often arises because we feel that the situation exceeds the resources we have to achieve or deal with it.
This phenomenon is called expectation of self-efficacy. He defines himself as “his perception and assessment of himself as possessor of the capacity and personal resources to deal with different situations”.
On the other hand, when the fear reaction is triggered, the following physiological reactions occur, which facilitate the three basic motor responses: combat, paralysis and flight:
This happens when we face a problem, a beneficial or neutral situation that we evaluate as a threat, it is the mechanism that accompanies phobias and by which we often lose what we most desire.
Thus, when we evaluate a situation as stressful or threatening, this message reaches the cerebral amygdala, triggering the fear reaction, the amygdala, in turn, is associated with several processes related to memory, including the storage of our memories and, therefore, our fears persist.
On the other hand, the assessment of the situation, threatening or not, depends on our personality and the estimation of the resources we have; so, among other reasons, there are people who love dogs and others who panic for them.
“It’s crazy to hate all the roses because you’ve got stuck. Give up all your dreams because one of them hasn’t come true. “
These same reactions occur in all situations where we demand too much or feel that there is much at stake, so we all involve our mechanisms of control and survival, that is exactly our cross, because when we activate the fighting reactions, the paralysis. or run away, we end up escaping the things that make us happier, to avoid a failure that is just a hypothesis.
We’ve all seen one of those typical romantic films in which the protagonist leaves, the love of his life. Suddenly he realizes what he just lost and runs away to tell him he loves him, but?The plane’s already taken off. And we ended up with that disgust of saying, you had it all in your hand, why did you let her go?Why don’t you see your life like this movie?”
Act Alive In the work of your life, you’re the lead actor
We must recognize that fear is an essential emotion and, therefore, it is good to balance it and not ignore it or deny it, it is positive to identify it and give it the right meaning, think about the fact that if you feel bad about an important job interview, it does not mean that you are not fit for work or that you are a coward. Once it was assumed that this is a perfectly understandable reaction, it is now necessary to have a free mind to conduct the best possible interview.
Often, when we find ourselves in a situation where fear of failure or loss takes hold of us, our thoughts become “confusing or useless. “In other words, fear is a thirst in the desert, this creates enough level of physiological activation to “see ghosts where they don’t exist. “
So we start thinking about things like”My boss is looking at me badly, is he going to fire me?”It’s perfectly possible that the boss had a bad night or a stomachache, and that the others laughed about a joke.
Stop finding yourself the navel of the world. I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s not like that.
If you don’t get into life, she won’t be waiting for you. A good idea may be to change the chain of events that caused you to fail last time. If you’re late for this meeting, protect yourself from the unexpected. to get there with more leeway. This will break the precedents you have, and you can’t imagine a failure because there are no similar flaws in your memory with which to compare this particular situation.
“It is not enough to know, it is also necessary to apply. It’s not enough to want to, we have to do. ?-Goethe-
Use all these elements to feel more secure. Have faith. Believe in yourself and, if you can’t, focus on this obstacle and stay busy instead of worrying. And finally, but not alone, breathe. Breathing helps clarify ideas and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for the “relaxation of our organs”. That’s how we inoculate stress and fear.
It is not true that people stop chasing dreams because they age, they age because they stop chasing dreams. -Gabriel García Márquez-
The only certainty in this chaotic world is that you are the absolute and exclusive owner of your time, so before you regret what you didn’t do out of fear, or what you’re going to say, or because it was too late. think: only you can decide if it’s too late.
“I felt a huge desire to live again when I discovered that the meaning of my life was what I wanted to give him. -Paulo Coelho-
People who criticize you or think they will will not give you back the years you’ll lose by running away from your dreams, so live without fear of losing. Live it all. And if the world is over, let it surprise us by dancing.
“The future has many names. For the fragile, the unattainable. For the fearful, the unknown. For the brave, the opportunity. ?-Victor Hugo-