Attachment is an intense emotional bond that is very present in our relationships, although some types are harmful, attachment is healthy and necessary, its development occurs in childhood, one of the most important and important stages of our life, therefore, if there is any kind of negligence or harmful behavior during this period, an attachment of avoidance can occur.
If the environment in which we grew up did not provide us with the necessary conditions to develop this type of attachment, we will have many problems establishing healthy relationships and bonds with others. However, we will not be aware of all these problems until we reach adulthood. Many adults suffer problems due to their type of attachment and do not know that the cause has its roots in childhood.
- Returning to childhood.
- Notice that children adapt to the environment in which they were born.
- So if parents are too intrusive or distant.
- They will develop defensive strategies that will allow them to deal with them.
Mary Ainsworth has conducted several studies that have led her to identify three types of attachment: avoidative, safe and ambivalent. Of these, only a secure attachment is “ideal”. The others are dysfunctional attachments. For the study of the first type of attachment, which is our goal today, Ainsworth conducted a study entitled “Strange Situation” that has studied the behavior of babies separated from their mothers.
What Aisworth discovered with his experience was very revealing, the children were very easily irritated, that is, they were very sensitive, yet they did something different from most children: they did not look for their mother when they needed her.
For example, a baby with a safe or healthy attachment, when his mother leaves or walks away from him, is most likely to start crying. When they return, they stop crying and feel safe, calm and happy again. This did not happen with babies with a avoidative attachment. They were indifferent. It didn’t matter if the mother was there or not. Therefore, the mother did not give her the security that every child needs.
If a child experiences rejection when they want to approach their parents and they don’t meet their emotional needs, they’re likely to develop a avoidable attachment.
The curious thing about Ainsworth’s experience is that children with this type of attachment literally ignored their mother. However, with strangers they were friendly and outgoing. Ainsworth concluded that since the babies had not learned to communicate their emotional needs to their mothers or had not tried to communicate and were not achieving an adequate result, they had learned not to need them.
Attachment to avoidance has serious consequences for adult life. Several studies have chosen to classify this attachment into two different types: detachment-avoider and fear avoidance. Let’s see how these two perspectives influence attachment to adulthood.
People who have developed the kind of detached avoidance are very independent and self-sufficient, leading them to reject anyone who intends to depend on them, similarly refusing to deepen their relationships for fear of getting stuck with someone.
On the other hand, people with an attachment that avoids fear want to have deep relationships with others, however, their fear is increasingly heavy. They find it hard to trust others, because there is a fear of being hurt, when they manage to have some intimacy with other people, they feel very uncomfortable.
People who suffer from attachment have great difficulty expressing their feelings, the fact that you don’t stick to others is just a strategy to protect you from rejection, they learned to defend themselves, to get ahead without the protection of their parents. That’s why they become self-sufficient. However, even if they don’t seem so, they suffer a lot.
Avoiding attachment in children is characterized by the search for isolation, sometimes they become hostile and aggressive. In adolescence they also exhibit these kinds of behaviors, something that makes them unpopular among their peers and can lead to the rejection of some teachers.
Childhood is a very important part of our lives, providing a healthy bond will help children become adults who can build healthy relationships with others; otherwise, they will continue to act on strategies they learned from children to protect themselves. time, will become increasingly unbearable.