Human beings are largely the result of the environment in which they live, the people who care for us during our early years are of decisive importance in what we will be and leave a permanent mark on us, so there are certain traits that differentiate us children from depressed mothers.
Some studies have shown that the brains of the children of mothers with certain mental disorders differ from those of others; the amygdala is larger, although the neurysiological cause is still unknown; the extent of its consequences is also unknown. We only know that this is a condition that occurs in children suffering emotional deprivation, the influence of a depressed mother is so great that it even leaves physical traces.
“Depression is a prison where you are both the prisoner and the cruel jailer” – Dorothy Rowe-
Although this is not as common, some mothers may experience a stage of depression after having their baby, postpartum depression. This is partly due to hormonal changes associated with motherhood, but it also requires a kind of updating of each mother’s bond with her parents at birth, if not positive, sadness tends to intensify.
Postpartum depression usually dissipates over a relatively short period of time, however, when other associated problems exist, sadness can spread and worsen, so the phenomenon of depressed mothers appears as a result of the breeding process. who were already depressed before pregnancy, this condition can be intensified with childbirth.
Of course, maternal depression not only occurs during the birth of a child, this condition can occur at any time in life, however, the most decisive effect on the well-being of the child occurs at critical times, such as the first years of life or the adolescence stage.
Sometimes the children of depressed mothers are given a role that goes beyond what they should be: to be a comfort in their sadness, children become an oasis of well-being amid the drought of the mother’s emotional world.
This can be beneficial for the depressed mother. However, the consequences for the child can become negative in the long run. Unconsciously, the child learns to play a role that is not in his or her best interest. Learn to be for her? And not for him, yourself. ‘In other words, he internalizes the needs of his caregiver and renounces his individualization process.
At other times, the depressed mother does not perceive her child as a comfort, but as a burden, especially in unwanted active pregnancies, which may try to minimize her presence in children’s lives, as well as limit her expressions of affection. They avoid the baby and ignore their needs. This creates in the child a feeling of strangeness and a great difficulty in giving meaning to his own existence.
Adolescence is another sensitive stage, in which the presence of a depressed mother can have a big impact. It is common for adult depression to compete with that of the child, resulting in an accumulation of mutual guilt. The results of this interaction can become unpredictable.
Some teenagers turn the bond with their depressed mother into a battlefield, there is no room for a truce of any kind, the common thread is that it causes a succession of injuries on the part of both, often in these dramatic scenarios everything leads to exaggerated and insurmountable distances for many years.
There is also the case for children who, because of insecurity or overconfidity, end up agreeing to be blamed by the depressed mother and decide to repair the unstoppable pain they perceive in her, so that addiction becomes a symbiosis and is perpetuated. Over time The umbilical cord remains active until death.
A depressed mother may not be psychologically available to fully meet the emotional and sometimes physical needs of her children, so one of the best things they can do for themselves and their children is to treat their depression professionally. Maternity is difficult to take advantage of, but they can also harm children in the long run.