Being the son of emotionally immature parents leaves deep traces, so much so that many children end up taking on adult responsibilities and grow prematurely constrained by this parental incompetence, because of that fragile, carefree and careless bond that erases childhood and erodes self-esteem.
No one can choose their parents, we know that, and although the time always comes when adults have the right to choose the type of treatment we want to provide them, a child cannot do that, because being born is almost like falling. In a fireplace There are those lucky enough to be caught by wonderful, skillful and competent parents who will allow them to grow safely, maturely and dignifiedly.
“There is no greater need in childhood than to feel the protection of parents. -Sigmund Freud-
On the other hand, there are those who are unlucky enough to land in the arms of immature parents who will tirelessly determine the foundations of their personality; However, experts in child psychology and family dynamics know that in these cases, two very interesting and decisive things can happen.
Parents with a distinctly immature and incompetent personality can promote the creation of thiranic and immature children, but they can also allow their own children to assume the adult role that parents have refused to play. responsibility of their younger siblings, taking care of household chores or making decisions that do not correspond to their age.
The latter fact, however curious it may seem, will not make this child braver, more mature or more responsible in a way that we can understand as healthy, what is happening mainly is to create people who have lost their childhood. Think.
One thing we all agree on is that having children does not make us true parents, motherhood, as the healthiest and most significant parental role, is demonstrated by being present, giving genuine and strong affection for this child to be a part of life. it is not a broken heart and is only linked to fear, needs and low self-esteem.
One thing that every child needs, beyond food and clothing, is an emotional, mature and safe accessibility where he feels connected with certain people to understand the world and, in turn, understand himself. If that fails, everything falls apart. The child’s emotions are overruled by the emotionally immature father or by the mother who, taking care only of herself, neglects the child’s feelings and emotional needs.
On the other hand, it must be said that this type of dynamics is more complex than it seems to the naked eye, so much so that it is important to differentiate 4 types of emotionally immature mothers and fathers.
The first typology refers to the type of parents with wandering and unequal behavior, they are very emotionally unstable parents, those who make promises today and tomorrow do not keep them, parents who are very present today and tomorrow make their children feel that they are an obstacle.
These four profiles sculpt a truncated, wounded, and invalidated childhood at the rate of disappointment. Every child who grows up in this context will experience clear feelings of abandonment, loneliness, frustration, and anger.
We were aiming at the beginning: the child who grew up assuming the role of adult does not always feel stronger, more mature, much less happy, leaving the responsibility to take care of you, a younger brother or to make the decisions that your parents must make, on the shoulders of a young child of 8, 10 or even 15 years, leaves traces and is potentially the root of many needs.
“A rose extracts its scent from its roots, and an adult’s life derives its strength from its childhood. -Austin O’Mally-
Are the psychological consequences that often prevail in these cases as varied as they are complex: emotional loneliness, self-demand, inability to establish strong relationships, feelings of guilt, emotional contention, suppression of anger, anxiety, irrational thoughts?
Overcoming these injuries by a lost childhood and immature parents is not an easy task, but also not impossible, cognitive behavioral therapy is of great help, as well as acceptance of the existence of this injury caused by neglect or neglect. There will come the necessary reconciliation with ourselves, where we let ourselves feel anger and frustration at a stolen childhood and where we were forced to grow very fast and left us alone very early.
We lose our childhood, but life opens up before us, wonderful, free and always inviting us to be what we have always wanted and what we certainly deserve. We must ensure that our parents’ emotional immaturity does not prevent us from building the present. and future happiness that we haven’t been able to have in the past.