Cognitive dissonance is a classic concept in psychology, invented by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. In short, it refers to the fact that people tend to strive to maintain internal coherence between their beliefs, values, and behaviors.
When this balance is threatened, the person feels very uncomfortable, so there is interest in restoring it.
- Cognitive dissonance is a very common psychological effect.
- Each of us.
- To a greater or lesser extent.
- We have already experienced it.
- In this article we will focus on the effect of cognitive dissonance on emotional dependence (state).
We often ignore this dissonance. When detecting it on this plane, it is common to practice different strategies, even unconsciously, to face them.
So, or do we trivialize our behavior (?Doesn’t it matter?Are we going to die for some reason?) Or are we wrong (?I’m sure everything will change?)
In other situations we can also change our own minds, try to influence others to change theirs, and even generate strategies for others to stop being similar (yes, it’s true that she died of cancer, but she had a family history. ‘t. ?).
Cognitive dissonance in emotional dependence is a very common topic, when someone dives into a toxic relationship, deep down they know that ideally it would be to get out of that situation, but on the other hand, something prevents you from doing so.
Then the conflict arises between fear of loneliness and living in a situation of suffering, with the discomfort you feel every day for a destructive relationship.
Cognitive dissonance in emotional dependence occurs when the person feels that every day is part of one sentence next to the other, either because the other humiliates, cancels, acts aggressively, critically, infidelity, etc.
The result is that the dependent’s self-esteem is gradually increasingly affected.
At a time when the emotionally dependent person has a moment of lucidity, opens his eyes and is able to contemplate this reality, he realizes the pain he feels, in this trance his thoughts turn to the idea of “I have to go”. this relationship because it hurts. “
Unfortunately, emotional dependence has an even more powerful aspect: the fear of rejection or loneliness, the fear of being alone with yourself. Therefore, this lucid moment of which we speak is rapidly disappearing.
Instead of acting on the idea of “should I get out of this relationship?”And to be consistent, does the person take refuge in it?That person is not alone and therefore maintains the usual behavior.
The dependent subject persists in a toxic relationship and generates a very uncomfortable cognitive dissonance: it hurts and I should leave, but the announcement of possible loneliness terrifies me.
Cognitive dissonance in emotional addiction becomes even more unpleasant when the environment, from its own perspective, clearly perceives that the person needs to terminate the relationship.
Thus, with the best of intentions and pretending to help, messages and advice appear on how to act: But don’t you see that the other is unfaithful?You mustn’t accept being yelled at, it ends before it’s too late.
This, of course, creates a much greater internal conflict, and the dependent individual can even repudiate these people or break those relationships to prevent them from causing more dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance in emotional dependence increases as people, especially if they are important to us, disagree with our behavior.
In the context of toxic relationships, excuses and self-deception are common to reduce the discomfort caused by cognitive dissonance, so people end up believing, as if it were real, in what generated their mind to maintain the idea of coherence.
Cognitive dissonance in emotional dependence gives us clues so that we can detect this self-deception, the aspect that stands out most is the emotional one.
When a person is in a harmful relationship and their behavior does not correspond to that fact, he feels uncomfortable, sometimes he can suffer a depressive episode, with all that this entails: insomnia, lack of appetite, apathy, etc.
If we experience severe discomfort, continuous discomfort, or a feeling that we are not comfortable, perhaps we should reshape our internal dialogue to realize that we are telling ourselves to go in the same old direction.
Another advice to realize that we are wrong is to think about the possible ending and feel it as if it were a deep abyss, in this sense sure that we will feel an intense fear of the uncertainty generated by a possible future with change.
This can result in an extreme need to be next to the “loved” person, not so much for love, but for thinking that it will not be possible to be alone: I do not trust my abilities, my resources, my potential, etc.
The use of therapy is essential to be able to highlight all these mental tricks with which we try to ensure a known but undesirable future.
In this sense, psychological therapy can help us reduce dissonance by using strategies that do not harm us, the idea is to take steps that lead us on the path from confrontation to reality.