In this article, we will think about participation in relationships. Of the three components of love, this is the most controversial. Commitment is generally considered a good thing, but to what extent is it true?
Emotional relationships are often an important part of our lives, whether as a family, as a friend or as a couple, in fact, sometimes considered the most fundamental to our well-being, these relationships are characterized by the fact that they are unions based on love, but how do we define that feeling?
- Much has been written about the fundamentals of love.
- In general we tend to differentiate three elements: passion.
- Trust and commitment.
- All of them important to maintain a good relationship.
- Therefore.
- Its creation and maintenance should be one of the priorities of all those who wish to share their life with someone.
Before we begin to discuss whether participation in relationships is beneficial or not, we must learn to differentiate it from the other two components of love.
Let’s go further on that
Commitment is the will of the people who form a relationship to stay together. All relationships require some degree of commitment, but there are many differences. Obviously, things are not the same in the case of a family member, friend or romantic partner. Usually, in a romantic relationship we will need more commitment than in a friendship.
Simply put, commitment is a kind of social contract that both parties accept. Saying that we are ‘friends’, ‘boyfriends’ or ‘husband and wife’, we are expected to sign this contract. The problem is that, in general, the terms of this contract are not explicitly disclosed by both parties, the characteristics of this contract are usually given so the company believes it should be exercised.
The main objective of engagement in relationships is to maintain some security and control within them, when there is this social contract we can maintain a number of expectations about how the other party should behave in the relationship, this will help us to anticipate and act accordingly. situations that can occur.
Considering evolutionary adaptation, maintaining control and security in relationships helps us in many aspects of human life, for example, in the case of couples, having a relationship based on commitment helps raise children, since they were born totally helpless, they need constant care In fact, in previous moments in human history , if there were no two adults caring for the baby, their chances of survival were quite low.
What does this facet mean today? In general, we understand that having a commitment involves several things:
If we look closely at the relationships around us, many of them are characterized by a certain toxicity, a possible explanation is that the commitment to relationships can be at the center of most problems, in theory this can happen by three factors inherent in that:
Let’s look at each of these factors in more detail
As an implicit social contract we mean the non-explicit conditions that we believe should be met in a couple, in many cases couples do not say clearly what they expect from each other, on the contrary, they begin the relationship with a series of preconceived ideas about how each one behaves.
In this way, each individual interprets the involvement in relationships differently, in this way while one party has an idea of what a couple is, the other can think of something totally different, it is easy for many conflicts to arise because of this initial situation. Misunderstanding.
Another aspect closely related to the precedent is the emergence of social expectations. When we relate to the other person, we have a number of ideas about how they must behave to please us. The problem arises when someone does not meet our expectations and, as a result, we are disappointed.
Usually both sides of the relationship will try to meet each other’s expectations, however, this can end at the expense of our own needs, which often results in the feeling of being alienated by the other and ultimately not feeling free.
Finally, the involvement in relationships can lead us to have some need for control over others, this would happen when we were trying to have more security in the relationship relationship, the problem is that control can generate emotional dependence and therefore make the other person feel anxious. alienated.
Let us not forget that autonomy is a vital necessity for the human being: we cannot expect others to act according to our judgment, if a relationship is based on subordination from one individual to another, completely breaks that feeling of freedom. will only create discontent and unhappiness for both members of the couple.
The commitment remains a simple agreement between the parties that form a relationship, although this is an important aspect of the couple, should not become a central part of the couple, taken to the extreme can do more harm than good.
Despite this, most engagement problems will be solved if we are able to explain what we expect from the other person, on the other hand, we must also learn to give our sentimental partner freedom, these two skills are fundamental to having a relationship that brings us happiness.