Compulsive needy surround us like persistent insects in search of food. They speak only one language: “I want, I need, I have to tell you. “We are talking about people who cannot manage their frustration, who lack personal autonomy and a willingness to take responsibility for their lives in a coherent and mature manner.
Many psychologists say this excess of?Need? It’s the real mess of the 21st century. Perhaps it was society itself that pushed us into this kind of behavior, a way of acting guided, in many cases, by a certain consumerist desire and an almost constant need to fill our existential voids.
All you need is to stop needing it
Something? And we really don’t know what it is. That is why we sometimes become lost souls lurking in our social circles in search of reinforcement or encouragement to satisfy our inexplicable desire. Sometimes we do this, we look for an impossible, love, we look for new experiences, we look for new furniture, new clothes, a new TV series that makes us forget the stress, food that relieves our anxiety, etc.
We all need things, we all need people, we are all, in a way, in need every day, however, the problem arises when this gap makes us compulsive, we mean a kind of profile that desperately seeks something that we do not know how to define, disturb others and force them to meet their needs and demands.
This is a growing phenomenon that deserves to be addressed, and above all understood, more and more need compulsions, one of the most common profiles when it comes to consulting psychologists, they arrive confused, with a high level of frustration and often even angry at the way psychologists around them, how they are treated, in essence, by their family and friends.
No one seems to live up to your expectations. No one has been able to give them the affection they deserve, the people who are always there for them can count on the fingers of one hand, and sometimes even the compulsive needy see and understand the world from their own point of view, so they are unable to see their constant demands, their selfish demands, their totalitarian demands arrive.
His attitude is so puerile that the psychologist is forced to break this barrier first, to make them understand that behind the constant need there is an unsinkable void, achieving it is not easy at all, because we are faced with a secret. manipulator who has always been accustomed to minimal effort and who are others to feed, solve, free them from any weight, fear or problem.
Compulsive need in need? To live. They consume our energies and minds, consume their money and their time in experiments to find a substitute for happiness, but what they achieve in the end is also consume themselves by intensifying their shortcomings and despair.
The quality of life of a person who clearly feels he is still missing?It can be terrible. Albert Ellis said at the time that “thoughts of constant need cause us to lose control and lead to negative emotions. “If this happens, it’s due to a fact as simple as it is obvious: the feeling of needing something?It’s related to our sense of survival.
In other words, this void that we must fill leads us to believe that we will not be able to move forward, if they do not help me, if they do not support me, if I do not have this or that or the other, then everything will collapse, so the feeling of lack generates fear, fear of need and the need for despair, we are facing a vicious circle that needs to be disabled and worked in a more logical way , healthy and meaningful. .
The first step we will take with the person in need is to work with their real needs. So, is it worth doing a clarification exercise to replace the?Do I need it? For example:
Once the person has clarified their deficiencies or weaknesses, such as low self-esteem, insecurity, inability to solve problems, lack of decision-making, etc. , it is time to work in depth on each of these aspects.
Another turning point in this process is to apply a simple rule in your daily life to compulsive needy people: “Look for what I need in others. “
Last but not least, empathy, social conscience, who understand that others also have needs and that in life, we must not only know how to conjugate verbs?Envy or need ?, there is also another of equal importance, “offer”.