Conditioned anxiety has to do with situations in which we feel distressed even if they do not pose a danger or risk; in terms of social relations, this can manifest itself in fear of coming into contact with others.
It is important to note that conditioned anxiety is not shyness, although those who feel it can be labeled shy or reserved, in this case it is not about temperament, on the contrary, it is that in the past we have learned this fear and have not tried or failed to understand and overcome it.
- When we experience anxiety conditioned by social relationships.
- It is very difficult to connect with others.
- Establish friendships or harmonious relationships with our peers.
- Of course.
- This also ends up hindering a possible project to build a romantic relationship.
“The intensity of the anguish is proportional to the importance of the situation for the person affected. Although you basically ignore the reasons for your anxiety? -Karen Horney-
The first way to communicate with others is through attachment, when we were born we did not feel independent individuals of our mother, the baby seeks protective support in the maternal figure and, at the same time, a reference point to grow and grow. knowing the world.
Attachment is the emotional bond that defines early childhood and is fundamental to a person’s future development. There is a direct relationship between this initial attachment and an individual’s mental health. An available mother who is sensitive to the needs of the child in early childhood is a guarantee for the mental health of the adult.
During these early stages, separation anxiety appears, a feeling of anguish that arises when we turn away from our mother or loving characters.
When these experiences of anxiety are severe or occur in a very unstable structure, a first form of conditioned anxiety appears, the conditioning in this case makes us believe that we cannot trust our environment, because there will not always be someone to take care of us, protect us . or take care of us, despite our vulnerability.
During childhood and adolescence we complete our process of physical and mental maturity, in these stages we are also developing new ways to connect with others, between the 3 and 6 years the game becomes the center of our world.
Everyone who plays with us is our friends. By sharing a game with others, we learn the first notions of rules and regulations, as well as their usefulness. We also have an idea of the density and strength of our social support circle.
Between the age of 6 and 11 we understand that we are part of a culture and that social relations are governed by rules, sometimes they teach us all this with love and understanding, others with severity and tyranny. In the latter case, conditioned anxiety appears, we come to believe that we are constantly subjected to censorship and learn to be afraid to act.
Adolescence is final. We need a balance between our self, who lives as a family, who plays the role of student at school and who forms a core of friends and begins to forge his own identity.
The difficulty of relating to others becomes apparent to an individual during adolescence, one of the reasons is the set of deficits that may have accumulated in previous stages, particularly when attempts at rapprochement or expressions of affection were punished. enters the territory of conditional anxiety in the face of relationships with others.
In this way, we continue to wait for the system to reject, hurt or exclude us, we have begun to behave as rejected, wounded or needy individuals, we are afraid and we can accept a relationship in which we are highly submissive or dependent.
On the other hand, when we face a social situation, we are overcoyed by discomfort. We solve the situation by “disappearing”, being too condescending or implementing dissociation strategies.
Something as natural as connecting with others becomes a complex problem, conditioned anxiety leads us to put barriers and prevent everything from sinking, this has different consequences for our mental health.
However, it should not be forgotten that everything learned can also be “unlearned”: there are ways to reconstruct the wrong built in the past.