Connecting with someone who is not loved, who experiences doubts, insecurity and fears and voids that others need to balance, feed and fill, can be as dangerous as falling into the void without parachutes. what he wants makes love a deadly game of immaturity and subtle irresponsibility.
Let’s talk about romantic relationships: when most of us start a relationship, we aspire to build a happy, dignified and meaningful bond, we want true life partners, precious lovers and mature people capable of building a common project: solid and rewarding. What we dream of with capital letters and neon lights, however, we must admit that reality is sometimes less bright.
“If you want to know where you’re going, find out first what you’re running from. “- Alejandro Jodorowsky-
According to Dr. Sandra Murray, professor of psychology at the University of Buffalo and a specialist in relationships, spouses characterized by classic personal insecurity can become true psychological sabotages, not just that, this kind of dynamic where there is someone who never knows exactly what they want, who does not clearly invest in their own commitment and who doubts everything and everyone , defines a very common type of reality.
One curious thing this same author explains is that there are many women who tend to establish relationships with unsafe men shortly after leaving a complex and timely relationship with a narcissistic person, discovering someone who does not seem so self-centered at first provokes an attraction. Seeing that we are facing a person who is fallible, shy and at the same time insecure, can be a source of seduction for this more humane and even close nuance.
However, as socialization begins and occurs on a day-to-day life, do we discover sharp edges, are they like the tip of a complex iceberg that arises from nowhere and inevitably encounters a cold, distant and even destructive dimension?
Let’s see how it goes
At first, as we have already pointed out, this insecurity may seem attractive, there is something captivating, sweet and even seductive in these vulnerable profiles, which admit their fears, their doubts, their limits, not only that, there is no shortage of people who fall in love with these people thinking that they can change them, who can act as true saviors by providing security and moderation to those who balance in the thin thread of fears.
However, we need to understand this better. In romantic relationships, no one can and should act as a savior, as a hero of low self-esteem, as a wizard of deep fears, or as a courageous administrator of limiting attitudes. This is for a very simple reason: we cannot change someone’s personality overnight and sometimes, even over time, it is impossible to do so. This delicate work only involves the owner of these intimate and private territories where insecurity and emotional immaturity reside.
On the other hand, the consequences of being linked to an insecure person are many and very different, here are some of them.
We pointed out at the beginning that sometimes there are those who are attracted to an insecure person after leaving a relationship with a narcissistic profile, and as curious as it may seem, the most extreme and emotionally toxic narcissism and insecurity have very similar behaviors and do not. not cause very different injuries.
As we see, bonding with a person who has not invested in his personal growth, is full of fears and who is unable to invest firmly and healthily in the couple’s own project, may be the worst decision.
Personal insecurity has degrees, it is important to emphasize, there are people who are fully aware of it and who are trying to manage it, to moderate it to the fullest, however, there are also those who are far from seeing, assuming or accepting it, defend yourself with a thorn armor. Is he who gets too close condemned to suffer, while the delicate and fragile being within him remains safe?
People are usually afraid of love, and is it out of fear of these things that they know how to transform them?-Pablo Picasso-
In this way, the first step, if one links to a person with this profile, is to get him to assume his responsibility, so that he can see this risky behavior as the source of non-compliance with the Couple.
On the other hand, we will try to keep our own way of life maintained and not subjected to the needs of the other, so we will not lose good humor with low self-esteem, nor will we lose ourselves in this emotional scenario where sometimes we are a reason for worship and the next day a reason of the coldest selflessness.
It should be remembered that wise love is not volatile, that those who truly love know well what to care for and why they should fight, in a healthy relationship does not serve permanent insecurity, nor does today love you half-time and tomorrow at all. We must allow ourselves a courageous, dignified, colorful and enriching love.
Images courtesy of Zombie Lora.