It is common for people to find it easier to criticize and complain about the actions of others than their own, but what are they complaining about?What or who criticizes What are you criticizing?
The tendencies to criticize and complain are usually components of a fully structured inertia that is part of a lifestyle in which different variants can be distinguished:
- In general.
- These attitudes are spontaneous symptoms that the person gets so used to that he does not know that this systematization has shaped a personal style.
In fact, a good example of his way of thinking is self-fulfilling prophecy, as so many complaints lead to a negative attitude to life, which ends up creating situations in which negative ideas are confirmed.
For example, if I keep thinking that when I do my job interview I will fail and the examiner will think that I am not fit for this position, I will enter so tense and anxious, showing so much insecurity, that chances are I am not the chosen one. And that’s not all: I’ll also have another justification for complaining, as well as confirming what I was thinking at first.
Besides, if in a profile of this trilogy?Reviews, complaints and ruminants? You also have a disorder, this association will have negative consequences because it will increase discomfort.
So what if I have flu, headache, distress, panic, eating disorders or gastrointestinal spasms?From the simplest to the most complex, this can be a guarantee of complaints that will therefore increase my discomfort.
The three styles of criticism, complaints and ruminants need a scenario, that is, a prototype of situations that have not worked or have caused discomfort to ruminate, complain or criticize.
Many individuals belonging to this fauna have difficulty defining the scenario because they run out of text to develop one of the three attitudes, so they resist changing problematic situations because what will they do if they cannot criticize or complain?perpetuate their problems to maintain their attitude.
However, there are a number of differences between allegations, criticisms and rumors that deserve to be taken into account in identifying them:
As we can see, critics, complainers, and ruminants are generally qualified to identify even minor defects and have an internal radar to see them.
Extremely demanding people, expert in pointing out what is missing, have an excellent scenario to complain or criticize, because when they do, they kill two birds with one stone: they exercise their exacerbated demand and take advantage to complain. .
An important detail is related to the tendency to envy critics. Envy is a dark feeling that disqualifies and operates through criticism, minimizing any advancement or achievement of the interlocutor, who is considered an enemy to be destroyed with the best friend’s air.
Critics, complaints and ruminants, given the possibility of observing a glass half full or half empty, specialize in identifying the missing part, it is an incredible aspect, because even having the opportunity to see life in a positive way, they take refuge in attitudes of criticism and denunciation to highlight the things that could have been done, not those that were done. besides envying rather than admiring.
However, it is not a matter of not observing the negative or what is missing, identifying these aspects also improves actions, corrects errors and improves our results, we refer, in particular, to pointing out the negative through the predominance of the complaint and the criticism and thus creating a way of seeing and constructing reality that blocks change.
Complaint is a mechanism that prevents the possibility of a change of action, while people complain and criticize, position themselves looking at the problem and get stuck in it, the way they increase the initial complaint and move further and further away. of the path of the solution.
In addition, always highlighting what is missing inevitably leads to frustration: there is always the idea that it was possible to have done a little more or better.
That is, one factor associated with the complaint is inaction, because while the complainant or critic expresses his whistleblower, the actions feed on the complaint, so by not taking concrete actions that translate into solutions, there is a blockade that favors the act of continuing to complain, forming an eternal vicious circle.
As we see, criticism and complaints are disqualifying, so they are the opposite of good self-esteem, and they usually cause disgust on the part of the environment, because no one likes to be surrounded by people who constantly report. what they haven’t done, what they don’t have, what’s missing or the mistake made.
On the other hand, it is true that it is very difficult to make a constructive critique, since criticism is a criticism, highlights what is missing and disqualifies, matters not only the content of the criticism, but also the way it is expressed : the tone, the cadence, the expressiveness of the face, the movement of the hands and the expression of the body in general.
Together, content and form create a synergy of the whistleblower or critical program that achieves its objective: rejection (both by itself and by others). Many critics use criticism to disqualify the other and put themselves in a position of superiority, so they don’t feel so naughty in relationships, because by comparison they are always at a disadvantage, they always feel less than others.
Many criticisms, especially those in emotional contexts such as relationships or between parents and children, hide demands, that is, criticism, but in the background of criticism there is a tácita request.
If the teen yells at his mother, “You’re never with me, you’re always busy with something else and you don’t listen to me!?In fact, you say, “Mom, I love you and I need you to spend more time with me. “Or if the husband criticizes his wife: “Do you always sleep early and don’t share anything with me!?
Thus, in the face of the question, we must take into account the possibilities and resources of the other, because otherwise the demands would be doomed to failure. Just as we can’t ask for watermelons from a lettuce or a big black boy is blond and small, demands must be based on real conditions and possibilities, otherwise we will fall into a trap because we criticize others on impossible requests.
Finally, when criticizing, the critic-complainant is placed in a higher position, as he always criticizes from a position of perfection, in which he evaluates and judges the actions of others, which angers the interlocutor.
The act of asking is different, because one is side by side, even, sometimes, a little lower in the relationship; when someone asks, they value the other, making them feel emotionally important; in criticism, the other is disqualified. So is it better to ask than to criticize?