The daughters of narcissistic mothers grew up in a menacing female shadow, it is a creative style based on control and lack of empathy, where a woman tries to model a version of herself in the child, but at the same time projecting her own ego and insecurities into it. They are educational styles inhabited by altruism, independence and suffering.
Will I ever be good enough for my mother? This is one of the most common questions in the heads of girls of this personality profile based on narcissism.
- However.
- What many of these women raised in such environments eventually assume is that their mother lacked maternal instinct.
- Specialist in suppressing identities and boycotting any attempt at independence.
- The narcissistic mother is undoubtedly one of the most complex profiles and harmful.
- That can be found.
I’m getting older and I have a girl who can’t take care of me, a girl who doesn’t appreciate everything I’ve done for her?Dear Mom (1981) –
In the 80s a film was released that would serve as an example of this reality: Mommie darling was a production based on a very successful book written by Christina Crawford, daughter of the famous actress Joan Crawford.
These pages, which first sought to transcribe the biography of one of cinema’s most powerful and reverberated women, explained the story of abuse, of near-constant psychological abuse. The story of a narcissistic mother who, defying traditional norms of creation, wanted to project another version of herself into her daughter. Were the effects devastating?
It is important to clarify from the outset that not all women with narcissistic behaviors have a narcissistic personality disorder as defined in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), they can have certain characteristics and can still be socially and personally functional. But there is another aspect: total incompetence in education and creation.
Thus, this maternal narcissism completely nullifies the bond between mother and daughter, completely impeding the child’s ability to become an independent and confident woman.
On the other hand, if we ask ourselves what the relationship with the boys is like, we can say that it is not the most appropriate relationship either. Generally, in these families, all the dynamics focus on the narcissistic mother and wear and tear, the impact of her personality, permeates almost every aspect.
However, the daughters of narcissistic mothers suffer much more from this influx for several reasons, firstly, because they use girls to conceive, they are like an appendix of their own ego, but at the same time you see them as a threat.
After all, is it possible that they outper get over mothers in some dimension: beauty, intelligence, resolution, autonomy?However, let’s see what dynamics tend to define this kind of harmful bond.
The narcissistic mother applies relentless discipline. She’s more concerned about how others perceive her than how she feels, what she wants, or what needs she presents, so she begins to cancel out her child’s emotions from an early age through indifference or criticism.
These dynamics make it completely difficult to develop the identity of these girls. Low self-esteem is aggravated by low self-confidence, homelessness and the need for maternal approval in almost every respect.
This dependence is so great that over the years there is also a sense of shame that eventually becomes toxic, because in many cases girls end up assuming that they do not deserve to be loved.
As we have already pointed out, the daughters of narcissistic mothers are the mirror in which they want to reflect, they want their daughters to be an extension of themselves, to look perfect before the world and make the decisions they would make themselves. , condition them in terms of tastes, studies, friendships and relationships.
However, there is often an effect as contradictory as it is harmful, envy is always present, like a sweltering veil, as a persistent shadow, so surreal situations can arise: prohibit girls from going out with certain people, but at the same time do not hesitate to flirt with these suitors. Besides, what the daughters of narcissistic mothers know is that they will never be there to defend or protect them.
A narcissistic mother will demand constant attention from her daughter, be forced to meet needs, meet expectations and not excel so as not to overshadow her mother, so that all this happens, these mothers do not hesitate to manipulate, humiliate and weaken self-esteem.
Many daughters of narcissistic mothers face trauma, it is the wound that causes them to grow with an indefinite identity, with a cluster of buried, convulsive and denied emotions, they have to deal with feelings of shame and get rid of the effects of codependency. , which, as you can imagine, is not easy.
However, it is possible to survive this and there is recovery, as long as we have the right help, there are therapists specialized in these cases, who are willing to help us at every step, the first is to replace the internalized, negative and critical. motherly voice with a new one: ours. A voice that must be treated with love, respect and a spirit of growth.
A second crucial aspect is learning to disassociate yourself from them, to set limits. We must learn to prioritize and position ourselves in the place we deserve. This place where we can undertake our own projects, where we can be, act, live and breathe with total autonomy and freedom without being subordinate to narcissistic influence.
Achieving this goal takes time. In addition, in many cases it means having to stay away from this narcissistic mother and assume that, for the first time, we will do what matters so much to us: disappoint her, but taking this step will invest in our mental health. quality of life.